Word travels fast. At the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards last night, all of America was introduced to Beyoncé's lovely baby bump. If we know anything about Mrs. Knowles-Carter and the father to be, their baby is destined for greatness, privileges and ballerdom. In about four months, Jayoncé will emerge from Sutter Maternity Center of Santa Cruz with a full head of hair and gold-laced Rocawear booties. And our most sophisticated composite specialists created the above image to predict what the young cousin of Solange Knowles' son Daniel Julez Smith will look like. (Probably not much like a swaddling Justin Bieber.) How do we know it's a boy? We admittedly don't.
Lil' Bey-Z will, of course, get all of the My Baby Can Read videos and Baby Einstein brain expanding toys. He will be the first kid to get the My Baby Can Rhyme video tutorial and Baby Roc Nation profit expanding spreadsheets and formulae. His debut solo album, The Baby Blue Prince, will be platinum by 2014. And expect Willow and Jaden Smith (and probably Apple and Moses Martin) to teach him how to cope with perils of pre-tween stardom.
Hova's first leading role in MacBeth, Jr. III: A Hip-Hopera. By this
point, his all-baby and plush doll group, Tomorrow's Sons Of Destiny,
will have gone through numerous lineup changes and ultimately, his time
in TSOD will be but a footnote in his rise to mega-stardom.
We're almost breathless coming up with all of the inspired baby names for this youthful magnate:
*Otis "Sunshine" Carter-Knowles
*Chris Martin Carter-Knowles
*Matthew "Two T's, Unlike Grandpa" Carter-Knowles
*Sander "Fierce" Carter-Knowles
*Derrick Coleman Carter-Knowles
In all seriousness, congratulations to the '03 Bonnie & Clyde at this happy moment!
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