Audio By Carbonatix
Appetite for Destruction from Enrique Fernandez at age nine, I had no idea that 2 Live Crew and NWA were on side 2. I listened to both sides religiously. Sacrilegiously, really. I felt so guilty. So wrong. These rockers on side one were worshiping the devil and those rappers and the other side were talking about killing cops and all-night sex motels. I loved it and hid it from my parents.I was at my ” height=”202″ width=”200″ class=”mt-image-right”>
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I thought about it. I’d never surfed, but, I do have a sister, so, “I’m a bro!” He laughed in my face. I was so confused, he was older and did, in fact, surf; he had a brother, so had to be a bro.
I asked my sister “Why did Marco laugh when I said I was a Bro?” She explained that being a bro meant I liked Power 96 and rap, being a surfer meant I liked rock.
“What if I like both?”
“That’s a poseur. That’s the worst. You have to pick.”
I thought about what side I was on for weeks. I started asking my friends if they were surfers or bros, they all said they were skaters. They liked GNR and did ollies, I owned a skateboard (Nash Nightstalker) so I said I declared I was a skater, too.
I was the worst at it. I caught no air. Plus, I still listened to side two of that tape. I also had a Fat Boys record. The Beastie Boys really confused me. I loved DJ Laz, Sucia and Mentirosa. I was one of the skaters, which later were called rockers. I felt like a poseur — I loved freestyle and Miami Bass. But I couldn’t be a bro. Not out loud.
I remembered being a poseur was the worst of all. I knew that loving both “Shout at the Devil” and “As Nasty as They Wanna Be” was not allowed. I started telling people I was a poseur. It led to ridicule and for a brief period the nickname “Joser Poseur.”
As I grew up there were more factions to join. Raver. Punk. Boring goth. Headbanger. Indie. Hip Hopper. Breaker. Ice Chaser. Dragon Rider. I found out in Thrasher magazine that a poseur is a guy who poses to be something he’s not.
Liking all things bro made me a super cool dude at dance parties and open houses. One is more likely to feel up a young lady while dancing to Bad of the Heart than while moshing to Reigning Blood.
