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Talking Shit

¿Que Pasa, M.I.A.? Too Miami for NYC

Miami! My Miami! I missed you so much. I missed you like the deserts miss the rain. No, I miss you more than that; the desert has no idea that it's missing the rain. On my trip to America, I started getting worried. Especially, when I left you alone for your biggest weekend ever, WMC. I heard you did some things when I wasn't looking that weren't very safe or ladylike. But, that's okay. It's none of my business what you do when I'm not looking at you. What I do when you're not looking at me is your business. I am a self-ordained ambassador of Miami-Dade County.

This New York City is very wonderful. It has the skyscrapers and the subways and the bright lights. The people are not as mean as my parents said they would be and the muggings do not happen on every corner. They have bars with taco trucks inside of them, clubs with full size arcade games, pubs that give you a free pizza with every drink you order (even if it's Diet Coke!) and lounges with Bocci ball courts.

New York definitely has a lot more fun things to do than Miami. And please, do not be one of those people that gets mad at just one sentence in an article, allow the next sentence to make me make myself clear: Miami has more fun than New York. ¡Punto!

En serio, when my Miami friends and I entered any discotech we started dancing and jumping and the party instantly got better. For the most part, New Yorkers (as nice, cool, friendly and cool haircut having as they are) prefer to stand and chat. While Miamians prefer to scream, laugh, make out and do the kid-n-play. We party over here until we can't breath and until we are drenched in sexy sweat; in the other cities, they party more softly.

Many, many, many people have told me: "José el Rey, the music you make, the way you dance, it's pretty good, but it's too Miami!" Too Miami? No such thing! But, those words rang inside of my head (to an 808 beat, of course) before I hit the stage for my first New York performance. I am happy to report, that there is no such thing as "too Miami." The crowd was smiling and laughing and the ladies offered to do special things to me on my private areas, in private.

To the people of NYC, the M.I.A.-style is welcomed with open arms and lips. So, if you happen to be like a rapper or songmaker or television writer and someone who is trying to help you tells you that "you are too Miami!" Tell them that they are "out of touch nerds." Miami is going to invade America this year. By the end of 2009, everyone will understand what it means to say ¡Coño! When their daughters break the news that they are pregnant, and that the Papi is from Miami.

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Jose el Rey

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