Everyone who knows who Rebecca Black is, knows she is famous for her awkwardly charming song "Friday." It was hard to not react with anything other than stunned disbelief when watching that video. Then she got really famous, for being everything she seemed to be in the video. Then her family parted ways with Ark music -- the evil wizards who produced that thing -- but not after not playing Dadeland Mall.
Her new song, "My Moment," might possibly be the moment her "career" comes to a screeching halt. We are not happy about this, and we will be willing to give her another chance when her next song comes out. But that next song is the last chance! You hear that, Rebecca? Make it good!
The new video is pretty boring. There's lots of fancy studio stuff going on; knobs turning, lights equalizing, makeup applicationing -- standard video fare. It's nice that instead of standing wildly in the back seat (or was it the front seat?) of a convertible, she is lounging loosely in a limo. It's insulting that people who make music videos still think that people who like music have no idea how music is made. Yes, the song has fake drums and synth-strings, but they chose to just put some guitarists and a bass player in the main room of the studio with her.
The dance breakdown is straight out of Kids Incorporated. The freeze-frame technology makes it so we can't tell if she's dancing really weirdly or in a supercool new way. Our gut tells us the dancing is weird, but we can't be so sure.
Also, it's during this part of the video that we realize she reminds us of Winnie Cooper from The Wonder Years. As we realize that it's her resemblance to Danica McKellar that has kept us from disliking her -- the song shifts into its superserious bridge with Black kind of rapping. And this is the moment that we realize maybe we don't want to give Black a chance anymore.
If you don't want to hear it, it seems like she says "haters, said I'll see you later... can't talk to you right now, I'm getting my paper." Dude! Is Rebecca Black bragging about stacking cash? Is she? She is. The rap ends with her saying she is about to "blow up," and then she awkwardly lip-synchs to the words "blow up" pitched down. It's weird.
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We are hoping somehow this song and this video can redeem itself, but there are only 32 seconds left. It doesn't get better. It gets weirder. We get embarrassed; is her mom in the back seat of the limo with her? Is that nice? Is that sad? Are a bunch of people taking photos of her outside of the world premiere of the video we are currently watching? What is going on, and why did her parents
let her make her do this?
Miss Black, we ain't mad at ya for making that paper or this video. We are sad that we didn't enjoy it. Please learn how to have some fun. Hang out with your friends, and have parties. Have a boyfriend. And report back to us when it doesn't work out with a really fun song about being sad or something, OK?