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Last month we realized that -- all of a fucking sudden -- we couldn't
escape rapper Meek Mill.
The Maybach Music MC is everywhere, including
on stage with hip-hop royalty, on YouTube supporting stem-cell
research, and hogging the limelight in Mariah Carey music
Next stop on the rapper's worldwide tour of everywhere? King of
Diamonds! Yes, Meek Mill will perform at the
world-renowned boobie emporium megaplex on Friday, September 28.
We've spent a lot of time documenting the highly explicit exploits
undertaken at hip-hop's most beloved Costco-sized titty bar. And we
suspect we've got a pretty keen idea on what's going to unfold.
Here are five highly-informed predictions for Mill's upcoming bash.
5. Meek Mill Is Ready For His Close-up
If an MC shamelessly pours currency all over the unsheathed flesh of
an exotique performer, but no one's around to upload the smart phone
pixxx to Instagram, does he still get a trip to VIP? If Meek Mill is
reincarnation of Tupac Shakur, he knows that the key to hip-hop
immortality is leaving behind enough self-documentation so that over a
decade after you die, people
will be able to watch your homies watch you get laid, and beam
you onto the stage at festivals like a
million-dollar PowerPoint presentation.
4. Meek Mill Will Arrive Via Extravagant Transportation
As far as grand entrances to Gentleman's Clubs go, Rick Ross
("Bawse!") has set the bar pretty high. Back in 2010, The Teflon Don
celebrated the release of Teflon Don with a
helicopter landing in the K.o.D. parking lot. Hip-hop is all about
upping the decadent ante, so don't be surprised to see Mill arrive to
his soiree via a hot air balloon inflated by blunt smoke.
3. Meek Mill Will Spend Absurd Amounts of Money on Strippers
2. Meek Mill Will Smoke Weed With Strippers
If you "need a
real bitch," odds are you're referring to a honey who can blow
trees like pro. Of course, Jasmine Ruby Star, or whatever, wants you
to bathe her in dollars. But after a long night of pole dancing
upside-down spread-eagle, the stripper in question may be looking for
another kind of green entirely.
1. Meek Mill Will Watch Stoned Strippers Beat The Shit Out of Each
popularity of combat-oriented adult entertainment almost
guarantees that, by the end of Meek's party, some hoochie is taking a
folding chair to the back of the head.
Meek Mill on September 28 at King of Diamonds, 17800 NE Fifth Ave., Miami. $80 entrance. Call 954-504-1381.
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