For fans of the douche-chills, we present what will be, with out a doubt, the event to be at when we segue into 2013: Kid Rock performing two nights, including New Year's Eve, in Hollywood.
The "American Badass," born Bob Ritchie, has been making headlines in recent months for swinging from Mitt Romney's nuts, donating a song to the unbelievably charismatic Mormon's already exciting campaign of exciting excitement, and speaking out about how he is "sorry Obama didn't do a better job" -- though he is "proud" of the fact that we elected our first black president.
Not only has Rock given Romney his coveted endorsement, he has joined him on the road recently, even speaking at a Paul Ryan rally in Michigan.
Now, while Rock's new short film (featuring friend Sean Penn) has a message of bipartisan unity -- at least amongst voters -- it doesn't absolve Rock from his political endorsements. And while we spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to best express our utter astonishment that a man from Detroit, a city so down on its luck that a Romney win might actually turn it into Bartertown from Thunderdome, the fact of the matter is that Kid Rock is simply not relevant enough for our esteemed readership to give a shit.
However, we know how much you all like a good laugh, so here is the short film. Revel in Rock's wonderfully vague music, his reinforcement of stereotypes, and just how sexy he looks in those cover-alls. Also note how white Rock's posse is in the bar scene. We would like for you to reflect fondly on Sean Penn's illustrious acting career as you watch its gruesome 10 minute death rattle below. And we would also like for you to think long and hard about the fact that Kid Rock, we repeat, KID FUCKING ROCK, is now in the inner circle of the potential next president of the United States of America.
If you need us, we'll be contemplating suicide to a soundtrack of Bob Seger records.
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