Say It Loud

Campaign songs. They’re important.

But Bush and Kerry are going about it all wrong:

U2? “God Bless America”? Sheesh.

Dominic Sirianni, bassist for the Remnants, offers some alternatives:

For Bush, I would say that GG Allin is the most representative performer for him as a person and his campaign. The two songs that leap to mind are “Bite It You Scum” and “Dog Shit.” The latter features a lyric that goes something like, “Dog shit, dog shit/Shit straight out of a fucking dog’s asshole.” [This] works for his supporters, who can’t grasp innuendo or nuance.

For Kerry, Devo has a song called “Mongoloid,” which tells the story of a below-average man who still manages to “bring home the bacon.” I pick this because Kerry appears to me as semiretarded but still able to bring home some of the policy bacon that I desire. For the election in general, though, my theme song is either “Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue” or “Chinese Rocks.” This campaign makes me want to inject copious quantities of heroin to kill the pain while dulling my cognitive abilities with powerful inhalants. — Audra Schroeder

Check out the Remnants at 10 p.m. Friday, October 1, at Broadway Billiards, 17813 Biscayne Blvd., Aventura. Cost is $5. Call 305-935-6600.

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