Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber's Breakdown: A Freudian Psychosexual Analysis | County Grind | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida

Talking Shit

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber's Breakdown: A Freudian Psychosexual Analysis

Shortly before 1 a.m. PST today, TMZ reported the late-breaking story that -- brace yourself -- Justin Bieber's recent extended mad blunted mental breakdown is, if you can believe it, almost directly related to his recent breakup with Selena Gomez.

And upon reading this digitally rendered revelation regarding millionaire Millennials and who they're sexting, we couldn't help but think of when social theorist Hannah Arendt, in the course of writing about the Nuremberg Trials, declared, "No shit, Sherlock!"

Plus, Timz (think about it) totally blew the opportunity for some actually hard-hitting Freudian-style (as in, penis-obsessed) psychosexual analysis.

But, hey. That's why County Grind is here.

In addition to a massive double-reverse Oedipus complex, Justin Bieber is -- pardon the clinical jargon -- a party fucking animal. But hey, when the Canadian poopstar had Gomez on his arm -- not to mention at the helm of the leash fastened to his peener -- the former Disney tween queen turned Spring Breakers strumpet kept Biebz's inner Charlie Sheen at bay.

And that, ladies and jellydogs of the jury, is the crux of our argument. TMZ thinks Bluntin' Bieber has been earning his nickname and making myriad other questionable life choices in the wake of the couple's breakup. But we think Gomez was like a mighty reservoir that kept the floodwaters of reefer addiction at bay within the Canadian Dutchmaster's war-torn psyche.

And this is what it's like when a dam bursts.

KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Matt Preira

Latest Stories