Keep New Times Free

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber's Breakdown: A Freudian Psychosexual Analysis

Shortly before 1 a.m. PST today, TMZ reported the late-breaking story that -- brace yourself -- Justin Bieber's recent extended mad blunted mental breakdown is, if you can believe it,

almost directly related to his recent breakup with Selena Gomez


And upon reading this digitally rendered revelation regarding millionaire Millennials and who they're sexting, we couldn't help but think of when social theorist Hannah Arendt, in the course of writing about the Nuremberg Trials, declared, "No shit, Sherlock!"

Plus, Timz (think about it) totally blew the opportunity for some actually hard-hitting Freudian-style (as in, penis-obsessed) psychosexual analysis.

But, hey. That's why County Grind is here.

In addition to a massive double-reverse Oedipus complex, Justin Bieber is -- pardon the clinical jargon -- a party fucking animal. But hey, when the Canadian poopstar had Gomez on his arm -- not to mention at the helm of the leash fastened to his peener -- the former Disney tween queen turned Spring Breakers strumpet kept Biebz's inner Charlie Sheen at bay.

And that, ladies and jellydogs of the jury, is the crux of our argument. TMZ thinks Bluntin' Bieber has been earning his nickname and making myriad other questionable life choices in the wake of the couple's breakup. But we think Gomez was like a mighty reservoir that kept the floodwaters of reefer addiction at bay within the Canadian Dutchmaster's war-torn psyche.

And this is what it's like when a dam bursts.

I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of South Florida and help keep the future of New Times free.

Keep New Times Broward-Palm Beach Free... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering South Florida with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.