Seven Reasons Every Straight Man Should Go to a Gay Pride Festival | County Grind | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida

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Seven Reasons Every Straight Man Should Go to a Gay Pride Festival

It's 2 p.m. on a beautifully sunny Saturday, but you and your bros are inside killing pedestrians in Grand Theft Auto and passing around a bag of pretzels. What's there to do?

"Hey, we could go to the gay pride parade," Billy suggests.

What the heck?! A gay pride parade?

You all pile on top of Billy, twisting his nipples and tickling his thighs until he can't breathe. That's what he gets for making such a gay suggestion.

But wait! Peel all your shirtless friends off of Billy's heaving chest and listen.

Straight guys, there's nothing wrong with going to a gay pride festival. Simply participating won't make you gay!

Gay pride season is upon us. With pride events slamming Miami this weekend and Fort Lauderdale's crazy parade coming in June, it's important for straight men to realize that a bowl of Lucky Charms isn't the only place they should be seeing rainbows.

Attending a gay pride festival can change a straight man's life for the better. And here's how.

7. Expand your vocabulary.

There's all types of awesome jargon within the gay community that you could add to your vocabulary. Check out some of these cool words gay guys use to refer to one another:

Twink: A young skinny gay man with minimal body hair.

"I'm surprised Disney isn't trying to cast that twink in High School Musical 4." (Snaps and laughs all around.)

Twunk: A slightly older twink with more mass.

"Have you seen Allan lately? He started eating carbs again and bought a kettlebell and now he's a total twunk."

Bear: A large gay man with a lot of body hair.

"Like ten bears just walked out of Chipotle and now they're out of guacamole and there's hair in the corn."

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Ryan Pfeffer is Miami New Times’ music editor. After earning a BS in editing, writing, and media from Florida State University, Ryan joined the New Times staff in November 2013 as a web editor, where he coined the phrase "pee-tweet" (to retweet someone while urinating). Born and raised in Fort Lauderdale, he’s now neck-deep in bass and booty in the 305.
Contact: Ryan Pfeffer

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