Talking Shit

Ted Nugent's Five Most Frightening Yet Somehow Charming, Murderous, and Sexy Rants

Sure, we can have a civil and productive discussion about Ted Nugent's excellent guitar skills, his stage pretense, and tight clothing all the livelong day. But on this livelong today, we'd rather talk about how he's a very crazy man.

No doubt, the Nuge is borderline Busey, but we gotta give it up for him: He's full of passion and conviction, his questionable beliefs visibly pulse through his nutso blue veins.

Cable news loves the Nuge, and it's easy to see why. He's equal parts politician, preacher, pep rally cheerleader, musician, and obsessive deer killer. Whatever his cuckoo cause, he defends it vehemently.

To rev you up for his upcoming show at Revolution Live in Fort Lauderdale, join us for five of Ted Nugent's hottest rants, will ya?

1. CBS, the Nuge will suck your D
Whoa! That escalated quickly! All of a sudden, out of nowhere, Ted gets all heated and defensive with the young reporter on the subject of being a "moderate." First he's screaming about fishing trips and dying kids, then, somehow, it comes to him offering (threatening?) to give the the reporter a blowie.

2. He will murder a Casio and her "newborn," for the love of rock

He's a great shot. That poor defenseless synth had no chance. His love of rock electric guitar is so strong that he'll shoot a "baby" keyboard point-blank. Def creepy.

3. Uncle Ted's effervescence is infectious

Uncle Ted is having a hell of a time in this interview. He's fidgety, rhymey, and deeply sincere. We don't know what he's talking about, but he believes in it so much, it can't be wrong. He hates the Democrats and the Republicans just the same. His crazy conviction is weirdly charming, though -- even though it's interspliced with sexual innuendo.

4. Ted Nugent rolls with La Migra

Ted sez, let's not let "any authorized penetrators into our secure area." He considers illegal immigration an invasion. Under Nugent's plan, "unauthorized penetrators" should be shot dead. Sounds extreme, but the Nuge says of the problemo with illegal immigrants, "It is that bad." He even secured his freaking fishing pond! How about we kill 'em with love, Ted, a love grenade.

5. Open-minded Ted?
The guitarist drops a real bomb in this interview, a gay one. Nugent says about homosexuals, "If that's what you are: I love you." It's not clear if at the end of the clip he adds, "but I'm going to fix them." But either way, this is progress.

He even seems a little open-minded, and that's nuts.

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Jose Flores
Contact: Jose Flores