Music News

Ten Essentials for a Heavy Metal Cruise

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7. Novelty Tuxedo Shirt

Because if metal cruises are anything like real cruises, you're going to have a formal dinner night you shouldn't cut the sleeves off of a real tux. Get yours here.

6. Shampoo/Other Bottles Full of Booze

Drinks are expensive. Cruise drinks are super expensive. But you're resourceful, right? Grab some opaque shampoo bottles or use one of the tricky Youtube methods, empty those suckers out, rinse the residue out thoroughly, and fill with the liquor of your choice. Now you have more money to pay for rare the European acts' rare merch!

5. Spacey Baked Goods

Smuggling actual marijuana on to a cruise ship is sort of a big deal because you can still get arrested for that shit, and let's face it -- you're not Han Solo. We suggest getting baked via baked goods. Substantially more conspicuous, and (supposedly) this form of ingestion will provide for a hell of a ride in the jacuzzi.

4. Nail Clippers

We know there is no need to keep your toenails under control when your doggies spend most of their time hiding in the darkness of a pair of 20 year old Doc Martens, but the odds of them making an appearance on a cruise ship are as high as that dude eating your brownies. So groom that shit and look civilized.

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David Von Bader