Say what you will about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian as potential parents: We're positive their baby is going to turn out nothing short of superballin'.
But first things first: These modest lovebirds need a title for the joint masterpiece of their respective careers.
And they probably shouldn't name it "North" like some e-tabloids have been reporting is a possibility.
We can think of at least ten better names for the human being wrought from the loins of these attention hogs (and that in no way refers to Kim's natural pregnancy weight gain, only her personality).
10. Kimye West
This is the most logical, obvious, and likely option -- next to North, of course. You could never name a child Brangelina. But Kimye sounds legit.
9. Anything West
We must assign blame where necessary: This suggestion belongs to Perez Hilton. We love the name for its cadence. Anything West: It really rolls off the muscular hydrostat.
8. Green Aloe West
Imagine Jay, Bey, Kim, and 'Ye getting together for a cookout. While Hova and West argue about how long to smoke the ribs, Queen B and the most notorious Kardashian turned newly minted Mama talk about recent handbag purchases. And Blue Ivy Carter will be scampering alongside little bebe Green Aloe West in a sandbox filled with gold shavings.
7. Spawn-Ye West
Maybe it's time we return to an era where your name gives some indication of your place in your family's genealogy. Like when people who used to run bakeries were named Baker. That was real, right? So, yeah, Spawn-Ye it is.
6. Prince(ss) Kanye Michael Jackson West
We feel morally compromised listing this name as part of this stupid, stupid post because we're afraid we'll actually inspire Papa Kanye to name his child this. We know for a fact that he lurks County Grind all day every day.
5. George Foreman West
Hey, it worked for George Foreman, like, five times!
4. The Throne
Hey, this is the first time Kim and Kanye get to name a baby. And it'll be their only first time. Because, y'know, YOLO. This potentially fabricated couple needs to seize the god damned day and name their progeny something conceptual and regal.
3. Taylor West
Now that Taylor Swift is dressing like a hipster-norm and dropping electro-pop megahit after electro-pop megahit, we're sure Yeezy feels crunchier than ever about his indiscretion at the 2009 VMAs. The ultimate penance would be to name his first-born after the woman who somehow wrote a song about breakups that was, like, a thousand times catchier than Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me, Maybe?"
2. Beyonché West
This is our personal favorite.
1. O.J. West
If you follow the the Kardashian klan's psychic trickle-down into popular culture, the trail leads back to O.J. Simpson and the cottage industry that exploded around any and everything to do with the infamous double-murder trial. So maybe Kim will pay a little patronage to the man who made her father famous enough to make people care that she made a sex tape?
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!