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Ten People You'll See While Partying in Fort Lauderdale

You never know what will happen when you go out in downtown Fort Lauderdale. Who will you see? What will you do? How long will it take to heal?

It can be an unpredictable mash of booze and muscles. But there is one certainty in any given night spent wondering through downtown Fort Lauderdale. You will come into contact with one, if not all, of the following people.

See also: 11 Fort Lauderdale Girls You've Probably Dated

1. The bathroom attendant

Ugh. This guy. Whoever thought the bathroom attendant was a good idea deserves a swirly. This isn't the Waldorf Astoria. This is a bar that serves seven different drinks with the word 'slut' in them. Having someone squirt soap in my hand and offer me a mint doesn't make me feel fancy when I'm standing in a quarter inch of urine and whiskey.

Just don't make eye contact, zip up, and leave. Sorry, you're not getting a tip. If I wanted to pay someone to watch me pee I'd go on Craigslist.

2. The apathetic cop

He's leaning on the hood of his cruiser in front of America's Backyard, wondering why his job isn't more like those Bruce Willis movies. Every now and then he'll tell someone to stay on the sidewalk, but his poor taser just sits there collecting dust.

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Ryan Pfeffer is Miami New Times’ music editor. After earning a BS in editing, writing, and media from Florida State University, Ryan joined the New Times staff in November 2013 as a web editor, where he coined the phrase "pee-tweet" (to retweet someone while urinating). Born and raised in Fort Lauderdale, he’s now neck-deep in bass and booty in the 305.
Contact: Ryan Pfeffer

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