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Ten People You'll See While Partying in Fort Lauderdale

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8. The jogger

For some reason, around 11 p.m. on a Saturday night, there's always someone jogging down Las Olas. It's unclear whether this person is lost or enjoys burning extra calories weaving in and out of hoards of drunken zombies.

Invest in a treadmill, please. You just sweated into my craft beer.

9. The lighter-less smoker

The lighter-less smoker approaches with a full pack of cigarettes, a Marlboro T-shirt, and a tattoo that says, "I love smoking."

Yet he always asks you for a light. Get your act together, man! You can spend twelve bucks on American Spirits but you don't have time to buy a 99 cent lighter? Get an e-cigarette you unprepared moocher.

10. The wannabe flair bartender

He's juggling limes, twirling around a bottle opener, shaving a hint of white truffle over the rim of your glass. This guy's Facebook page definitely has the word mixologist somewhere on it.

That's all good and nice, buddy, but I ordered a Bud Light. So can you stop lighting shit on fire and hand me my beer?

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Ryan Pfeffer is Miami New Times’ music editor. After earning a BS in editing, writing, and media from Florida State University, Ryan joined the New Times staff in November 2013 as a web editor, where he coined the phrase "pee-tweet" (to retweet someone while urinating). Born and raised in Fort Lauderdale, he’s now neck-deep in bass and booty in the 305.
Contact: Ryan Pfeffer

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