Ten Things That Will Get You Laid on Spring Break

If you want to have everyone wondering if you are: 1. Really into the boy band One Direction, or 2. Against the idea of anal, or 3. Both, then these are the short shorts for you! Start a heated debate with your friends and perfect strangers. Let them know where you stand. This butthole is an EXIT ONLY.

9. Gangnam Style
So what if Psy retired his mega hit for, you know, fear of overexposure? This hot pink number still serves as a milestone in the song's trajectory toward irrelevance. Now, it's a memento of the greatest tune that (thankfully) Psy will not be performing again. Who needs swag anyway? Not you! You're a Fort Lauderdale spring breaker! Everyone gets laid!

8. Party With Sluts
What else are you going to do? Party with prudes?! That's no way to YOLO, you swagalicious spring breaker. Slap on this shirt, whip out the sunscreen and red cups, and let your friends know what you really think of them.

7. Like a Boss T-Shirt
If Florida had a patron saint, it'd be either Pitbull or Rick Ross. These two namedrop the state like the word Florida was going out of style. And we appreciate it, 'cause it kinda is.

So when a shirt has the image of the Bawse on it, you stop what you're doing and you buy it. Immediately. No questions asked.

6. I Pooped Today
Few things are as sexy as a healthy metabolism. Ladies love flatulence, and men like to know she's regular. Express your glowing enthusiasm for the mundane with this T-shirt. Share your accomplishments with the world. We guarantee they will be extremely impressed and possibly turned on.

5. Cool Story Bro Jerseys
Without the comma, you could be confused for a Bro that tells Cool Stories. Rad! Be that guy! Tell us all about Bonnaroo or that triathlon you just ran. Then tell the story again!

4. Chonga YOLO Earings
When one giant hoop isn't enough, you add another giant hoop and a Y and an L. Then all you'll need is a YOLO gold nameplate, thick, dark lip liner, and you're ready to sip your chongahol like a classy lassie. Pinkies up.

3. Hello Titty
Want a spring breaker to flash you? Take the nostalgic approach. Acceptable alternatives are: Teenage Mutant Ninja Titties and Strawberry Short-Titties.

2. I Like Big Butts Shot Glasses
What if a giant piano falls on your head while partying, and you get amnesia? Wouldn't you want to be surrounded by little trinkets that remind you of who you are and things you like? "Oh, that's right, I like big butts! Oh yeah, I DO party like a rock star!"

1. Marilyn Monroe Heat Jersey
If Marilyn were alive today, she would totally root for the Heat. They are the ultimate squad, winning like almost every game ever. She wouldn't know whether to have a secret affair with the current president or the big three. We're rooting for Miami.

---

---

Follow @CountyGrind