Music News

Ten Worst, Most Morbid Songs to Listen to While Riding Your Bicycle

Not sure if you all saw last week, but Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union rode out Miami's Critical Mass. The popular ride is usually like a mile long (or so it seems), but the addition of these two fancypants cyclists proves that South Florida is 100 percent bike-tastic, and D-Wade is totally the coolest Heat player (get on a bike, Udonis!).

Broward County is booming with bike events too. There are biweekly bike polo games, pub crawls, a Critical Mass, and even an upcoming bicycle awareness party, Biketopia, at America's Backyard.

All this biking and not enough lanes for cyclists leads one to think morbid thoughts at times while on two wheels. Sometimes the soundtrack to your biking can increase these terrible thoughts and anxieties. To help you avoid those moments, we compiled a list of songs you should probably never listen to when on the seat of a bike.

10. The Smiths - "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out"
This is the absolute worst song to listen to on your bike. It is also totally the best video about biking, ever.

Reasons you shouldn't press play on this ditty while cycling are:
1. It has the power to make you weep, and tears will blur your vision, something necessary for safe riding.
2. It's about theoretically getting hit by a bus.

9. Jim O'Rourke - "Ghost Ship in a Storm"

It only figures/That I'd ride my bike/Into wet cement/And as I'm sinkin'/The last thing that I think/Is did I pay my rent.
This song isn't about getting hit by anything but rather just disappearing into the ground while on a bike. Trippy. While biking, don't trip on psychedelics either, but definitely listen to anything else by Jim O'Rourke.

8. Dave Matthews Band - "Crash Into Me"
So, it's not so much the content of this song that makes it the wrong soundtrack for biking but rather the idea that you're evoking someone or something to "crash into" you.

7. Decemberists - "Apology Song"
Stolen bikes are no joke. That shit is the pits, especially when you see someone riding it around like a week later and all you can do is wave at it as it rolls by.

6. Pearl Jam - "Last Kiss"
You thought you were clever and brought your date out on an evening ride. Well, guess what? She could end up dead. D-E-D dead.

5. Deerhoof - "Midnight Bicycle Mystery"
This song'll get your blood pumping... with fear. Even on a bike, being followed by a creep on foot blows. You never know, the person might be a really fast runner and you just might get a flat.

4. Tom Waits - "Broken Bicycles"
Tom Waits makes some seriously perfect autumn biking music, especially if you're feeling a little down and riding alone and the weather's just getting crisp. You'd think this song, about the fall, would be great for this kinda ride, but check out these miserable lyrics:

Broken bicycles/Old busted chains/With busted handle bars/Out in the rain./Somebody must/Have an orphanage for/All these things that nobody/Wants anymore.

3. Jan and Dean - "Dead Man's Curve"
Never, never race another bike around Dead Man's Curve. Bad news for all involved.

2. Cracker - "Bicycle Spaniard"
One headlong rush to the bottom sucks when it comes to romance and biking. Don't be a fool, get off that Bicycle Spaniard and meet a nice, predictable British chap.

1. Shangri-Las - "Leader of the Pack"

Guess what? The leader of the pack dies. He dies. He's dead. Don't press play.

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Liz has her master’s degree in religion from Florida State University. She has since written for publications and outlets such as Miami New Times, Rolling Stone, Pitchfork, Ocean Drive, the Huffington Post, NBC Miami, Time Out Miami, Insomniac, the Daily Dot, and the Atlantic. Liz spent three years as New Times Broward-Palm Beach’s music editor, was the weekend news editor at Inverse, and is currently the managing editor at Tom Tom Magazine.
Contact: Liz Tracy