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T.I. and Tiger Woods' Mea Culpa Essays, Mashed Up

T.I. and Tiger Woods are two men who recently had their lives royally screwed up at the point where fame, hubris, and the laws of society intersect. And boy, are they both apologetic today. Tip took to his personal blog, and Woods penned an essay appearing in Newsweek titled "How I've Redefined Victory," and both serve to explain the changes and adjustments these influential,

charismatic men are dealing with right now and what they're doing to

get better. But don't read them yet!

Until this moment, it wouldn't seem fair or pertinent to lump the two together, but given the similar cadence and conversational style of both men in their respective essays -- as well as their numerous shared experiences -- see if you can match each excerpt to its owner below in this mashup of quotes that unfortunately is not a bonus track on Girl Talk's All Day.

1. Last November, everything I thought I knew about myself changed

abruptly, and what others perceived about me shifted, too. I had been

conducting my personal life in an artificial way -- as if detached from the

values my upbringing had taught, and that I should have embraced.

2. I see this as a real ass whoopin'. The kind you don't just go back

outside to play afterwards. You take ya ass to bed and don't come out

of your room until it's time to go to school.

3. I don' t know what effect this will have on my life moving forward but

I'm certainly sick and mother f*cking tired of going to jail, juve,

prison, the pen, correctional facilities or whatever else you want to

call it.

4. I made terrible choices and repeated mistakes. I hurt the people whom I

loved the most. And even beyond accepting the consequences and

responsibility, there is the ongoing struggle to learn from my failings.

5. Even though it's been a long road, I'm still standing, barely but nevertheless still standing.

6. So much depends on one's own abilities. But for me, that self-reliance

made me think I could tackle the world by myself. It made me think that

if I was successful in golf, then I was invincible. Now I know that, no

matter how tough or strong we are, we all need to rely on others.

7. I'll be God damned if I've come all this way and made it through so much hell to let it go down like this!

8. Slowly, I'm regaining the balance that I'd lost. My healing process is

far from complete, but I am beginning to appreciate things I had

overlooked before.

9. A lot of folks had fathers or father figures in the house to raise them

into manhood. I'm not trying to make any excuses for my situation but

my father was a hustler that lived in New York. My uncle was a local

big time dope boy turned 10 year federal inmate.

10. Some nights now, it's just me and the kids, an experience that's both

trying and rewarding. Probably like the experience a lot of families

have every evening around the world.

11. When I go to the store, or to work out, or to grab lunch, I've been

amazed by the considerate, encouraging words I hear. I've realized that

those sentiments are not merely courtesies but generous expressions of

compassion for which I'll always be thankful.
12. Unfortunately, opportunists are trying still to cash in on my troubles,

no matter how irresponsible or ridiculous their claims may be. In many

cases, I've never even met these people. But there's no way I can

dispute each lie without provoking more.

13. My mother and grandparents did the best they could but I found my

manhood in the trap and in prison systems. But I found it. And nan one

of mine will ever have to feel the cold tight grip of a handcuff or

grace the presence of a jail cell if I can help it. Over my dead body!

14. I know now that some things can and must change with time and effort.

I'm not the same man I was a year ago. And that's a good thing.

15. So if you can't respect that you ain't rocking with my movement then Fuck you dog!

The correct answers are below.

Answer Key:
1. Tiger
2. T.I.
3. T.I.
4. Tiger
5. T.I.
6. Tiger
7. T.I.
8. Tiger
9. T.I.
10. Tiger
11. Tiger
12. Tiger
13. T.I.
14. Tiger
15. T.I.

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Reed Fischer
Contact: Reed Fischer

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