December 20, 2012 | 7:27am
If you're anything like us, you often find yourself pondering the greater mysteries of life. Questions like: "What makes the rockin' world go round?" or "just what do I want for my birthday?" The answer to both questions has always been and will always be: Butts. Great, big, giant asses.
We love those gelatinous cheeks that show no mercy. Ones we can throw money at, slap, and at times eat sushi off of.
This post is dedicated to big booties everywhere. We salute you in being the pepper on the scrambled eggs that is our lives.
10. Pitbull - "Culo"
Before he saved Miami Subs from closing down, famed philanthropist and restaurateur, Pitbull, was once just a rapper from Miami, singing about butts.
9. Mr. Ghetto - "Walmart Bounce"
This is the only song on the list that doesn't mention large buttocks outright, though the hypnotic booties in this video more than make up for the lack of ass-talk. Also, another noteworthy tune about another sensual subject is this man's "Jailhouse Bounce.
8. Ween - "Pissup a Rope"
Make sure your mom's not around before pressing play. You'd never expect filth to come from the mouth of Dean Ween.
7. Notorious B.I.G. - "Big Booty Hoes"
So what if Biggie was into water sports? We don't judge.
6. Juicy J - "Bands A Make her Dance"
This Three 6 Mafia wordsmith wrote the descriptive lyrics: "These cheeks clappin', and they ain't using hands." What are they clapping with though? Hmmm, J?
5. Willie Nelson - "Big Booty"
When Googling songs about "Big Booties," we came across this country gem by Willie Nelson. We didn't question it. It just makes the list. And that fried chicken looks delicious.
4. Spinal Tap - "Big Bottom"
"I met her on Monday, 'twas my lucky bun-day. You know what I mean?" We sure do, Michael McKean! We wish everyday was our luck bun-day.
3. 2 Chainz - "Birthday Song"
2 Chainz brings the trap to you with this delightful ditty about voluptuous vixens.
2. 2 Live Crew - "Hoochie Mama"
Tipper Gore's favorite booty song.
1. Queen - "Fat Bottom Girls"
It's simple science. Fat bottom girls make the rockin' world go round.