Here at the Grind, we continue having fun at the expense of your beloved musicians and blatantly ride the coattails of our peers over on the West Coast. Do we care? Hell no! We aim to get a chuckle and maybe a catty comment below comparing us to the much-maligned Chris Chase of Yahoo.com blogging fame.
If we could get numbers like his based on hate commentary alone, we'd be on easy street and not hanging with noted Chapter 11 luminaries like MC Hammer and Leif Garrett. Think of this list as a slow accident you can have fun with, pun intended.
15. Earth Crisis
If there ever was a bunch of dudes who needed to smoke massive amounts of weed, medical or not, we'd posit to think it'd be the meatheads in Earth Crisis. This is almost as funny as their choice of cover above from 2001's Last of the Sane album (as well as most tracks therein). Spouting a bizarrely militant veganist/straight-edgiest attitude with animal rights always in the fold, it's the legions of clunkers whom they inspired who clearly missed the point.
In any case, we'd love to buy them a beer and take them to the nearest Brazilian churrascaria.
14. Tupac Shakur
It has been a girl's lifetime (16 years) since somebody relieved the world of Tupac. This person(s) unknown remain at large, and that is a real tragedy. Before we get into conspiracy theories or how "whitey" wants to keep the brothers down, we're sure "Suge" Knight is still raking in the dough.
Undoubtedly, before your accursed panties get in a bunch, Tupac's "Dear Mama" track is one of the greatest songs of all time, but he's on this list for the precious seconds he shared on the celluloid of that disastrous (and dare I say, Colorado-vacation-ruining?) 1991 shitfest Nothing but Trouble. Yeeuch!
13. Screeching Weasel
For the thousands of kids who grew up reading Ben Foster's comical columns in Maximum Rock N' Roll and the hundreds of Ramones-via-Screeching Weasel-inspired bands this Windy City denizen contributed to the world, the castle came crumbling down. Nay! It got flushed the fuck down the goddamned toilet when this precious and completely retarded physical altercation with two women at last year's SXSW festival occurred. Read our colleague and former SW fan Jose Flores' column on that here. We guess the Queers knew it all along.
Now, this might not mean much to the casual Grind reader, but my sharp-eared brother Chaz is a devotee of the Paul & Young Ron show and caught their banter on the morning of February 17 concerning this. Neither outfit deserves to be listed here because of their music, though Deborah Curtis might make a case for putting Ian Curtis on some type of douchenozzle/asshole list... We're listing one here for failing to make an impression on these dinos of the local radio scene. You can hear their muddled and confused exchange here between the 22- and 30-minute mark.
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11. The Cranberries
In 1993, the Cranberries asked Everybody Else Is Doing It, So Why Can't We? Their song "Linger" would be the equivalent lingering of an unwelcome STD.
Are they sweet folks who mean well? Sure, we're sure they're nice, or at least were until they decided to reunite in 2009 after a six-year hiatus. We wonder if they sought cream, intravenous drugs, or holistic treatments in the interim. For those who lived with that gonorrhea in their ears back then, the uncontrollable itch and urge to pull flares up whenever some idiot on the radio decides it's "nostalgia time." As my Spanish-speaking friends say: "Asco!"