Miley Cyrus' given name is Destiny.
Who knew Hannie Montanie's lot in life would be gyrating ass all over the internet?
America's Sweetheart graduated from Disney Channel fame to pursue a successful singing career that reflected the sugary pop values of her childhood. And Cyrus is living a double life just like her homegirl Hannah -- except instead of a wholesome starlet, she's a fauxhawked "twerk queen" by nightfall.
OK, so she's a grownup now. She can make her own decisions. But Miley has done some really awkward shit, and it's worth a recap.
See also: Five Best Non-Rap Songs to Twerk To
5. She is obsessed with twerking.
Following a bizarre, viral video of her twerking in a unicorn onesie, Miley has brazenly clapped her snowy Lilliputian cheeks whenever and wherever she pleases. She told Ryan Seacrest she's been practicing for years in her living room -- though Cyrus' cringeworthy wobble-jiggle at a recent Juicy J concert suggests otherwise.
"You can't really explain [twerking]," Miley said during her interview with Seacrest. "It's something that comes naturally... It's a lot of booty action." Thanks for the tip, Miles, but you got nothin' on the twerk masters of Scripps Ranch High School.
4. She called Nicki Minaj's repertoire "hood music."
If Miley hasn't perpetuated enough stereotypes, this one takes the cake. Cyrus recently told Billboard, "A lot of people wanted to try to make me the white Nicki Minaj. That's not what I'm trying to do. I love 'hood' music, but my talent is as a singer."
OK -- even Nicki would separate her own syrupy pop from the sounds of da streets. Miley's subsequent request for "something that just feels black"from her songwriters on pop chantey "We Can't Stop" reveals she doesn't want to be labeled, but she doesn't mind racially pigeonholing music genres.
3. Her entire "We Can't Stop" Video.
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Who cares if she broke a VEVO record? Miley celebrates act-a-fool youth mentality in her soft trap Mike WiLL Made It-produced anthem -- in a privileged, bigoted kind of way.
Remember, she "loves 'hood' music," but she's a singer. Miley's gawky posterior shots coupled with that nauseating leotard crop-top combo, egotistical grillz frame, and her mini twerk fest with a circle of thick African-American women whooping over her maladroit butt shimmy feels like Miley's distorted, ghettoized image of black culture.
Aside from blatant racial caricature, the video's Barbie-tonguing session and fake finger-slicing is just creepy. So please Miley, say you can stop.
A few years ago, Ms. Cyrus was a squeaky-clean international heroine to fawning little girls on Hannah Montana. Her most devious acts on the show were sickeningly harmless -- sneaking out to a movie and innocently quarreling with a best friend -- but we should have known Miley's real life bong-partying in 2010 was a red flag.
She rocks baby-sized coochie cutters,
1. The Ying Yang Twins love her ass.
Miley's twerked so hard that her skills are the subject of the Ying Yang Twins' new aptly titled ass-jerker "Miley Cyrus." Responsible for gems like "Whistle While You Twurk," "Saltshaker," and "Say I Yi Yi," the hip-hop duo deemed Cyrus the "twerking mascot" and claims she's at the forefront of the dance craze's second lifespan. But Miley's this-is-who-I-really-am transformation is all too familiar, reeking of an artificial Wheelchair Jimmy/Drake-like suburban past.
The Ying Yang Twins say: "Do the Miley Cyrus bitch and get low!"
Naw, we'll pass.
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