Are you a musician, artist, or serious stoner struggling to make ends meet? The bills are stacking up, but your video art isn't selling? If you're like us, you also have a serious disdain for manual labor. But forget dishwashing. You don't want those precious digits getting damaged, right? They are your "livelihood," however meager it is.
The good news is that South Florida is a mecca for wealthy, older ladies with a surplus of alimony funds. There are tens of thousands of cougars with cash looking for a young distraction just like you to spoil the shit out of. Don't know where to start looking? After the jump, read our list of the ten best places to look for sugar mamas in Broward and Palm Beach counties.
10. Chops Lobster Bar
101 Plaza Real S., Boca Raton
With all of east Boca's high-end gated communities just a stone's throw away, this steak and lobster joint located in Royal Palm Plaza is a sugar mama institution.
9. Casablanca Café
3049 Alhambra St., Fort Lauderdale
Located just off A1A, near all the oceanfront hotels, this seaside restaurant and bar is an ideal place to scout for out-of-towner cougars with serious coin. Set in a beautifully restored historic home and with the Atlantic Ocean in view, this American- and Mediterranean-inspired spot provides the picture-perfect ambiance for your smooth-talking. Also, the calamari fritti is the top-selling dish here, and some say fried squid is an aphrodisiac, so half the work is already done for you! Aren't you a lucky boy?
8. Christopher's Nightclub
2857 E. Oakland Park Blvd., Fort Lauderdale
Christopher's is the place to see and been seen for the over-40 crowd. Also, this Fort Lauderdale establishment has a reputation as being a pick-up joint, so chances are good your Ms. Moneybags may be prime for the taking. With Christopher's offering salsa classes, live music, and a wide assortment of martinis, you're looking at a room full of older gals who are saucy and ready for a good time.
7. Point Bar at the Coral Ridge Yacht Club
2800 Yacht Club Blvd., Fort Lauderdale
Yachts and rich gals go together like peanut butter and jelly, so this open-air bar, located poolside at the Coral Ridge Yacht Club, is prime territory for sugar mami scouting. This club is where Fort Lauderdale's upper crust goes to schmooze and swap stories of maritime luxuries.
6. Blue Martini
6000 Glades Road, Ste. C-1380, Boca Raton
This upscale lounge, with encyclopedic alternatives to the classic martini, is another notorious pick-up spot. Each of its three locations is brimming with aged-girlfriend potential.
5. Blue Jean Blues
3320 NE 33rd St., Fort Lauderdale
Although Blue Jean Blues is, obviously, a bar that hosts live blues music, you would be mistaken to dismiss this place as a scruffy juke joint. The brick walls decorating the interior and soothing mood lighting give this North Beach haunt a swanky character. Its location -- within walking distance of all the soaring condo buildings that line Galt Ocean Mile -- is what makes Blue Jean Blues such a sugar mama draw.
4. The Leopard Lounge
363 Cocoanut Row, Palm Beach
The name of this chic restaurant and lounge, located inside posh and pricey Chesterfield Hotel, says it all. This Palm Beach hotspot packs in the silver-haired old money chickadees Friday and Saturday night. Watch as they valet their Bentleys and Rolls Royces, frolic on the establishment's leopard carpeting, and savor its renowned caviar. With dark woods, glossy black leather booths, and hand-painted ceilings, you'd think you just stepped into a Fitzgerald novel here. Wear your best Patek Philippe knock-off watch for this one, as you are likely to be rubbing elbows with a hotel heiress of some sort.
2301 SE 17th St., Fort Lauderdale
Owned by Wayne Huizenga and former hang out of Ponzi bandit Scott Rothstein, Grille 66 is where Fort Lauderdale's finest go to wine and dine. With stunning Intracoastal Waterway views, this steak house and bar overlooking Pier 66 is replete with well-to-do gals looking for any excuse to spend their exes' dough. It's also a nice hidey-hole for female bank executives, lawyers, doctors, and financial advisers looking for an after-work libation.
2. Bar Luna at the Boca Raton Resort
501 E. Camino Real, Boca Raton
You know it's a fancy place when the bar is made out of hand-cut Venetian glass, as is the case at Boca Raton Resort's Bar Luna, a Waldorf Astoria resort. Open only to resort members and hotel guests, this place exudes exclusivity and affluence. Able sugar mama hunters will find a way in, however. Inside its mahogany-paneled interior, they will discover a bevy of country club types, sipping on Chardonnays and looking for ways to spend their idle time after morning tennis lessons.
1. Cafe L'Europe
331 S. County Road, Palm Beach
This posh, upscale eatery on Palm Beach Island is the crème de la crème for scouting out the lady who's going to be paying your student loans. Its chandelier- and mirror-laden dining room has offered society dames safe haven, like the late Jackie O., for more than 20 years. A little on the old-fashioned side, what you'll see inside is upper-class gals decked out in couture dresses and designer jewelry.