Top Ten Thursdays: Top Ten Reasons to Hate KISS | County Grind | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida

Top Ten Thursdays: Top Ten Reasons to Hate KISS

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3. Stage Show

Only a band of minimally skilled clowns needs an arsenal of pyrotechnics, gallons of fake blood, smoking guitars and other assorted silliness to properly rock its audience. Here's Simmons thrusting his guitar like it's the ultimate phallic symbol, spitting blood and using his serpent like tongue to fondle his fingers in front of a crowd that appears to be all dudes. Sexy!

4. "Beth"

The worst power ballad -- ever! This song makes me want to shoot whatever speaker from which it emanates. The cloying chords and string-laden production are nauseating enough but have you ever listened to the lyrics? "It actually makes more sense about a dog than a woman," rightfully notes one commenter on this YouTube video.

5. Solo Albums of 1978

Only a band with Kiss' outsized egos would have pulled such a stunt. After millions of dollars spent on promotion, each member released a solo record on the same day, September 18, 1978. All four albums bricked -- big time. Here's Simmons, from his self-titled disaster, covering the Disney classic "When You Wish Upon A Star." Hideous.

6. 2000 "Not really a Farewell" Tour

Granted, many bands are guilty of this gimmick -- yeah, I'm talking to you Pete Townshend -- but leave it to Simmons to return from retirement less than a year after telling Kiss Army that 2000-2002 would be the absolute last chance to see their beloved band perform. The big reason for returning to the road? Open dates for Aerosmith. Pitiful. At least Frehley fulfilled his promise and passed on a chance for another fat payday. Here's Kiss doing a typically shoddy rendition of the sophomoric "Shock Me" on the "Farewell" Tour.

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Wade Tatangelo

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