With the first (and likely only) season of Police Women of Broward County all wrapped up, I thought the first South Florida-centered mom-kid-cop docudrama-ality show deserved some sort of special send off.
But instead of, oh say, a recap of the show's high points, I thought it might be nice to go over 10 (it would be easy to list 50) scenarios that either the cameras did not capture, the producers did not want to publicize, or did not happen at all. P
erhaps, if there is a second season, some of these scenes will make the final cut.
Ten things you didn't see on the show:
1. Deputy Cooper rescuing her husband, Deputy Cooper
In one episode we see the groom Deputy Cooper bringing the bride Deputy Cooper a tasty hot chocolate in the middle of a tough graveyard shift--something to help her through her night. What we never saw was the He-Cooper slip into a dangerous trap and held hostage by heads of an evil drug cartel (specializing in pills). And just when it looks like it's curtains for the nicest husband reality law enforcement television has seen--KABOOM! In busts Deputy Shelunda Cooper through a brick wall, taking out the villains and rescuing her husband in one swift, ultra kickass, Ang Lee-style action movie move. Either this never happened, or The Learning Channel didn't want to deal with the hassle of disclosing the BSO's most lethal secret weapon.
2. A cop busting a corrupt politician
Broward County has corrupt pols from Hollywood to Deerfield Beach. We saw lots of low-level drug offenders go to jail this season--lots of poor people that is. But not once did we see one of our heroines crack down the door of the one of the many local officials known to be on the take.
3. Someone discussing the sticky Seminole situation
What's that you say, a suspect the cops (and cameras) were chasing ran into a Seminole casino? What do our police women do now? That's a sovereign nation right there, right? The whole thing might be a little more complicated and nuanced than the whole "Look, she's a cop AND a mom!" thing, but I think it might be interesting to see someone discuss what it's like policing right next to a separate--but special--country.
4. Anyone using a gun outside of a gun range
We saw several of the women firing off rounds at various gun ranges. Yeah, it's hot. But we never saw any of the women fire a shot in the line of duty. Not to stop a suspect. Not to defend themselves. Not even in the air, like a sheriff might in the Old West. Really, there wasn't anything even close to a moment that might call for a weapon. Which leads us to...
5. Any kind of real action
We saw a few short foot chases--guys who saw the cops and ran and were tackled shortly thereafter and later found to have a warrant out (or maybe he didn't want to get busted with his stash). But there was never a time where we thought someone was in legitimate danger or that a suspect might really get away. I'm not saying police should use guns more, I'm just saying it would make better TV.
6. "Hands! Hands!"--Hands!
It seemed like every five minutes Detective Penoyer was screaming at someone in a strained, shrill voice: "Hands! Hands! Hands!" And just one time I wanted to see someone take off a prosthetic hand and throw it at her. There are all sorts of obvious reasons why that action couldn't happen twice in a row though.
With the officer who doesn't have kids, we see a great, doting husband (Cooper), but with the other three women on the show (all of whom have children), we occasionally hear about--and never see--the men in their lives (or not in their lives, as the case may be). This is probably the biggest unanswered question in the show (along with number nine).
8. The tiny ninja hiding in Detective Bower's hair
She's a cop with giant, poofy, retro hair (that I think kind of kicks ass in a Patrick Swayze-in-Road House sorta way). I know there's more to the story though. I have a source (a drunk guy by the beach who thought I might be his nephew) who says there is actually a tiny ninja hiding up under that fantastic fro. The little guy is only a few inches tall, but he can kill a full-grown man in 14 different ways in under a second. (I'm not sure if that's all 14 different ways, each taking less than a second, or all 14 in the same second.) He is another special BSO project, and when he sits down, Detective Bower's bangs cover his tiny legs.
In one episode, Detective Penoyer takes her son and girlfriends to the beach. She's wears a modest-ish bikini. Enough to let people know how hot she is, but not enough to give any of the undersexed teenage boys in the audience any great material for later in the evening. The show was clearly geared toward women, but there were certainly at least a few heterosexual men watching The Learning Channel when the show aired every week. On second thought, maybe not.
10. Someone (anyone!) mentioning that weed is NOT crack
We got to see a lot of cops bust a lot of drug users and dealers. And they all got a stern lecture and a trip to jail. But some of those people were busted with crack and some were busted with pot. And those things are really not the same. It might have been nice if maybe one time, one of the cops on the show--who all seem to have a decent amount of integrity--turned to the camera and discussed the fact that American law enforcement spends a lot of time and money putting people behind bars for possessing something that shouldn't even be illegal in the first place. And that the guy smoking a joint behind his well-kept suburban house should not be considered the same potential risk to society as the crackhead in the park. And that even that guy should have some individual right to privacy and prudence that perhaps the police should not be messing with.