Halloween is this Saturday, and that means it's time to get your party plans in order and your trick-or-treat route all figured out. But we know the toughest part of this holiday is trying to figure out what to go out as. Your options are quite limited. There's the usual fare for the men, like superhero, vampire, doctor, zombie, or mummy, And for the women, sexy superhero, sexy vampire, sexy doctor, sexy zombie, or sexy mummy.
Problem is, costumes are expensive, and chances are good you'll run into someone dressed in the same costume as you. That's just a bummer. But don't fret. We're here to help by not only giving you Halloween costume ideas but costume ideas that are unique to Florida's craziness.
Yes, our state is crazy and tragic and flawed and a little bit sad. But that's no reason why we shouldn't honor it on the spookiest night of the year.
Here now are 12 Florida Halloween costume ideas for your consideration:
1. Florida Black Bear With Target Taped to Back
Ah yes. Nothing says Florida quite like guns and dead animal flesh. And this year's big hairy victim was the black bear, which the state declared open season on just last week. Almost 300 of the big furry guys were shot down by overeager hunters, who then proceeded to take photos of the carcasses for their social media feeds. Because no selfie is a selfie without the deadened eyes of an animal that has met its ultimate demise for no real reason nor fault of its own. Of course, the hunt has been declared over, so you should be OK dressed as a black bear with a target. Then again, this is Florida, so...
2. Donald Trump's Hair
If you have a nickel for every Donald Trump mask you'll see this weekend, you'll have enough money to not declare bankruptcy four times. Everyone is going to buy this guy's mask, because it's en vogue. So why not take it up a notch and ditch the mask and just go as The Donald's hair? It's quite the easy costume to pull off, if a little itchy and uncomfortable. You can tie bathroom mats to your body or shave your dog and tape the hair onto your torso. You can always just wear a mohair sweater and tell people you're Donald Trump's hair. It'll be a yuuuuuuge hit at the party.
3. Cool Jeb Bush
Another popular costume this year might be the Jeb Bush mask. And that's cool. But if you must go as Dubya's li'l brother, be sure to buy a hoodie like this one. It's like Jeb Bush totally trying to vibe with the youngsters. Nothing is scarier than a middle-aged white guy trying to be with it and hip. It's downright terrifying, actually.
4. Cool Marco Rubio
Another popular political costume option this year will be Marco Rubio. But the popular thing will be to go as Marco and carry around a bottle of water. And that's funny. But you don't want to go as Thirsty Marco. That's so 2013. You want to go as Presidential Candidate Cool Marco. Like the gif above. Youthful, athletic, filled with verve. It's basically a red shirt, black jeans, and throwing a football at every little kid's face that you see. Fun!
5. Naked Drawbridge Guy
Remember this guy? He just up and decided to get naked and climb onto a drawbridge. Oh, Florida. So get yourself some cardboard and cut it into the shape of a bridge and then wear it with nothing else. Boom. Costume contest winner.
6. Racist Hulk Hogan
Here's another nominee for most Florida thing, and also an easy one to throw together. Get yourself a fake blond mustache (or paint one on), a red bandanna, some boa feathers, large sunglasses, and a T-shirt with the sleeves cut off. Oh, and you'll have to walk around saying vile racist things all night to make the costume complete, which might be an issue. We actually would not do this one.
7. Rick Scott
Say his name three times in the mirror. WE. DARE. YOU.
8. Sad Football Coach
Sometimes dressing up as a sad sack of failure for Halloween is just the thing. And this year, you have two very good choices. You can go as recently fired Miami Dolphins head coach Joe Philbin, which consists of a Dolphins cap, headset, and a permanently perplexed look on your face like you're trying to figure out if that fart was more than just a fart. There's also the option as going as recently fired University of Miami Hurricanes head coach Al Golden, which consists of a very large and disheveled white dress shirt, an orange tie, and a permanently perplexed look on your face like you're trying to figure out if that fart was more than a fart. Of course, you should expect to get the Charlie Brown treatment and get nothing but rocks when trick-or-treating.
VICTORY SPEECH!!Go inside our locker room after Coach Campbell's first home win.Posted by Miami Dolphins on Sunday, October 25, 2015
9. Dan Campbell
GET YOURSELF SOME INFLATABLE MUSCLES AND PUMP THEM UP TO THE BREAKING POINT AND THEN STUFF THEM UNDER A MEDIUM T-SHIRT AND THEN GO OUTSIDE AND START YELLING AT LITTLE KIDS THAT THEY'RE NOT GIVING 11O PERCENT IN THEIR TRICK-OR-TREATING AND THEN MAKE THEM DO OKLAHOMA DRILLS BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY WINNERS DO THINGS, BRO. TOE THE LINE OF GETTING CANDY OR EGGING SOMEONE'S DOOR. NGHH.
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10. Woman Who Superglued Her Eyes Shut
This costume seems pretty self-explanatory. Again, Florida. Though we highly recommend you go another route.
11. Man of Flakka
Hands down, the most Florida costume of 2015. It largely consists of you stripping down naked and then running into the streets while rambling incessantly. You might get tased by the cops, but it'll be totally worth it.
12. This Guy
Look, it's a guy in a wolf mask riding a bike in a pool. It doesn't get much more Florida than that.