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13 Things Fort Lauderdalians Want Outsiders to Know

Fort Lauderdale is known to the outside world as an exotic locale, where yachts abound and spring breakers get arrested for DUI. It's also known as the Venice of America and its proximity to the Intracoastal Waterway.

But it's also viewed, to many, as Miami's little brother: the city that kind of has a nightlife, but no one is really sure, because South Beach is so sparkly and ooohhh lookit, ART DECO.

Fact is, there are plenty of things Fort Lauderdale should be known for but isn't. Maybe because you never bothered to ask.

Well, fear not, outsider. Because here are the 13 things we Fort Lauderdalians want you all to know and understand:

13. Yes, We Love the Beach ... THAT'S WHY WE LIVE HERE C'mon, people. The beach is seriously right there. How can we not love it? And when it comes to beaches, it beats the crap out of most any other beach based purely on the fact that it's not South Beach, where it's too crowded, or Hollywood Beach, where it's too old.

12. None of us ever hangs out at Blondies For some reason, Fort Lauderdalians have become synonymous with Dirty Blondes. That might have been true once upon a time. But true Fort Lauderdalians know what's up. And what's up is that Blondies is the last place any of us wants to hang out at, unless we're in the mood to get our ass beat on the sidewalk for no reason whatsoever.

11. We hang out at Poorhouse instead Indeed. The Poorhouse rocks.

10. We hate it when people call it Fort Lawdy Yeah, don't do that. It's not only lazy; it's stupid. Would it kill you to enunciate one more syllable and say the whole word properly? Lau-der-dale. No. No it wouldn't. And it also keeps you from sounding like a mongoloid.

9. We love wearing sandals HELL YEAH WE DO. It's summer 365 days a year out here. If it were up to us, we'd wear nothing else. Suit with sandals? Yes. Jogging with sandals? Mmhmmm. It's comfortable, fun, and efficient. In Fort Lauderdale, you need the kind of footwear that lets you walk to Publix while also being crazy easy to take off when you suddenly find yourself at the beach.

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph

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