18 Lessons from Last Night's Premiere of "Police Women of Broward County"

In the video above we have Andrea, the most aggressive of the Police Women of Broward County. In this episode she strips down to a thong and gun belt, then shoots a guy just for looking at her the wrong way yells a lot and manhandles (and yells) at some big (alleged) drug dealers. And mothers her son. (View more footage here. Or watch it repeat throughout the week.)

Because The Juice would like to maintain a healthy relationship with the Broward County Sheriff's Office, and The Learning Channel, and especially the lovely ladies of the TLC's new television show about four attractive women working for BSO, we didn't want to review the premiere episode from last night. Instead we've opted to list 18 of the most important lessons viewers learned about Broward, and about law enforcement there in.

First a bit of background: The initial episode didn't have a narrative. It was just a series of quick scenes where we follow the title women (in "reality" TV, reality has good looking stars) as they make busts, talk to the camera about how hard it is to be a cop, nurture their families, then talk to the camera about how hard it is to be a mother (or in one case, how great it is to be a wife).

Lesson 1: Broward has beautiful beaches (in the day) and dank ghettos (at night). And lots of crackheads.

Lesson 2: Pretending you have to pee does not convince the cop not to search you. Nor will it get you unarrested when they find your crack pipe.

Lesson 3: If you have a crack pipe, seriously, the pockets are the first place police look every time. Every. Time.

Lesson 4: Giving police your last name and birth date, but the wrong first name, just makes you look silly as you wait in the back of the police car telling the police that no, you really do still have to pee.

Lesson 5: Mothers - even cold-hearted cop moms - all think their kids are awesome. Aww.

Lesson 6: A large plastic coffee mug is a somewhat convincing prop in a "crackwhore" uniform for undercover officers. Along with loose jean shorts, a black tank top, and a 1986 power perm.

Lesson 7: It's a myth that if you ask a cop (dressed like a prostitute) if she's a cop, the cop has to tell you she's a cop.

Lesson 8: If you're negotiating cheap sex on the street and she's throwing in stuff for free, she's a cop.

Lesson 9: If 20 guys point guns at you a few seconds after you say the words "blow job," she's a cop.

Lesson 10: You can't get your $53 tab at IHOP paid for if put a hair in your food.

Lesson 11: You can spend $53 at IHOP.

Lesson 12: Hiding drugs in your vagina doesn't work.

Lesson 13: One very attractive officer (Ana) will remove up to 10 bags of weed from another woman's vagina for about whatever a BSO employee makes.

Lesson 14: Officers working as prostitution decoys call each other "ho".

Lesson 15: When leaving a crackhouse post crack purchase, do not hold the crack in the open.

Lesson 16: Do not drop it on the foot of a police officer.

Lesson 17: If you see a hot blond detective with a scratchy, commanding voice (Andrea), and she's yelling at you to move behind the Ford Taurus, please, for the love of God, move behind the Ford Taurus.

Lesson 18: If you're a hot BSO employee, you don't necessarily have to be really interesting to have a reality show.

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