On Wednesday, the good folks over at Buzzfeed put together yet another one of their massive listicles that get read by billions of people all over the Interwebs.
This one, titled 18 Reasons You Should Cheer for the Pacers Over the Heat, was a doozy.
We assume this is some kind of guide for people who are on the fence on whom to support. Or maybe for people who just need more reason to hate the Heat.
But, upon further review, the arguments for rooting for the Pacers over the Heat fall in on themselves.
Let's take a gander and break down the many reasons why every reason listed is dumb.
What Buzzfeed Says: Because of Paul George who has an average of 21.7 points and 6.8 rebounds per game.
What Pulp Says: Indeed. Root for a guy who is basically the 11th or 15th best player in the league. George didn't even break the top ten in scoring this year and ranked 18th in rebounds. A VOTE FOR THE PACERS IS A VOTE FOR MEDIOCRITY!
What Buzzfeed Says: And because of David West making Chris Bosh look like this.
What Pulp Says: Oh.
(By the way... that was a three-pointer Bosh shot. Over West. He nailed it. Boom.
What Buzzfeed Says: Because of Miami flops
What Pulp Says: LOLOLO OK!
And of course...
What Buzzfeed Says: Because of George Hill, hometown hero born and bred in Indiana.
What Pulp Says: Yeah, we got one of them hometown heroes too.
What Buzzfeed Says: Because of Lance Stephenson and his gallop down the court.
What Pulp Says: Did you know Lance Stephenson once threw his pregnant girlfriend down a flight of stairs?
He was also once arrested for groping a woman's breasts and buttocks and was faced with a Class B misdemeanor sexual assault charge.
Totally likable and cheer-worthy, that guy.
What Buzzfeed Says: And Lance Stephenson's choke gesture toward Lebron.
What Pulp Says: Well, at least a choke sign is actually not as bad as throwing your pregnant girlfriend down a flight of stairs.
What Buzzfeed Says: Roy Hibbert and his dedication to Pacers fans.
What Pulp Says: We've mentioned this guy already, but... one more time...
(See: Udonis Haslem Children's Foundation)
What Buzzfeed Says: Because the Pacers mascot Boomer is much cooler than the Heat's mascot, Burnie.
What Pulp Says: Um... OK. You win that one, maybe. Congrats?
What Buzzfeed Says: Because Larry F*cking Bird is the current president of the team.
What Pulp Says: Cool f*cking story.
What Buzzfeed Says: Because the Pacers play as a team.
What Pulp Says: Pacers team assists per game in 2014: 19.7. Heat team assists per game: 19.1
Oh, and LeBron ranked 13th in assists per game this season. The highest-ranked Pacer? Lance Stephenson at 24th.
In the last four seasons, NBA analysts and experts have hailed the Heat's ball movement and passing, as Miami has become one of the best all-around ball-sharing teams.
In the last two seasons, several different non-Big Three players have had big moments in the playoffs and played key roles in helping the Heat win back-to-back championships including Udonis Haslem, Shane Battier, Mike Miller, Ray Allen, Mario Chalmers, Norris Cole, Chris Anderson, and James Jones.
The Heat have been the textbook definition of "playing like a team."
What Buzzfeed Says: Because the Pacers are the underdog... and everyone likes a good underdog story.
What Pulp Says: By Vegas terms, this is true. But the Pacers are the number-one seed and won home-court advantage over Miami. Let's not act like the Pacers eked into the playoffs and are some kind of no-name Rocky Balboa-like team.
What Buzzfeed Says: Because the Pacers roster was built not bought.
What Pulp Says: LeBron, Bosh, and Wade all took pay cuts to play together. As did Udonis Haslem.
David West signed with Indiana as a free agent in 2011 for two years, $20 million.
Each of the Big Three took $15 million less over the life of their contract to sign with the Heat. WAY below what each deserved in the market. But, yeah, derp not derp.
What Buzzfeed Says: Because in 49 other states it's just basketball, but not in Indiana.
What Pulp Says: Well, if all ya got to do around town is ride tractor trailers and look at fields of grain, go to Applebee's, and attend one big race a year, sure!
What Buzzfeed Says: And because being a Pacers' fan is becoming part of a family. Pacers' fans will always be there through thick and thin.
What Pulp Says: