4/20 News: Five Best Places to Get High in Broward County

4/20 is upon us, and that means two things: Jesus and marijuana. Because while thousands and thousands of the devout and faithful step into Churches to celebrate Easter and Jesus, thousands more will sink into bean bag chairs to celebrate cartoons and Cheez-Its.

But getting high is like buying a house: location is everything. So if you do participate in the upcoming stoner Christmas (responsibly, safely, and always with a designated driver) here are the best places to do it.

5. Southwest Regional Landfill Shoot, it's hard being a flat state. All you can see is whatever is directly in front of you, and in Florida, that's usually some post-bath-salt crazy dude touching himself.

The best view in the city is on top of a big ass pile of trash. It's a trash mountain. Woah...

That's crazy. How do we know, like, the whole world isn't made of trash? What if that's where they've been putting it the whole time? Recycling was a government cover up and we're actually living on one big trash planet.

Uh oh. I think it's starting to kick in.

4. Canine Corner Dog Park

Dogs, man. Like, what's up with them? How can a great dane and a chihuahua come from the same animal? And what's up with those teeth, bro? One minute they're all snuggly and stuff and then they yawn and you're like, woah! Why do you have murder tools in your mouth?

What are dogs anyway? Do we really know where they came from? I mean, can we prove that they're not aliens? And what's the deal with all the licking? Are you trying to taste me, homie?

A man's best friend? How do we know they're not just planning some worldwide attack? We did cut off their testicles. Wars have been started for, like, a lot less than that. I'm just supposed to trust your French bulldog? Sorry, dude. That wrinkly little face ain't fooling me.

3. Ft. Lauderdale Beach The beach, yo. Is no one going to talk about all that sand? Really? So we're just supposed to sit here and act like the beach isn't the craziest thing in the entire world?

Not me, dude. I've got two words for your ass: Uh, sharks.

You know, those things that go around murdering seals? And what about waves? Why would you ever swim in that stuff, man? The water is clearly telling you to go away.

2. Hugh Taylor Birch State Park Trees, dude. Trees? Are you kidding me? Have you ever looked at a tree? Like, really looked at it. What the heck are those things?

So I'm just supposed to accept the fact that, like, there's this giant thing, and it's alive? But it doesn't move or talk? And it poops out oxygen? I'm sucking in tree poop? I never signed that petition, man!

Birch State Park has turtles too. Turtles? You can't comprehend a turtle! And if you think you can, you're not trying hard enough!

Think about it. A turtle. How did these military lizards come to be? You think being a turtle is easy? Fine, let's play a game. Go to bed, and tomorrow morning I want you to wake up with a shell. Good luck, bro.

1. Your Grandma's House I DON'T TRUST YOU GRANDMA! Why you keep sneakin' off to the kitchen? Do you work for the NSA? I'd be out of here if your strudel wasn't so damn flaky and delicious.

You sneaky little octogenarian. You're as suspicious as you are adorable.

But I've got my eye on you.

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