A Dangerous Driving Tip From The Unscientific and Irresponsible Mind of the Pulp

After reading this about a fatal wrong-way collision on I-95 this morning, I was reminded of one of my son's football coach's instructions to the players: "If you're going at somebody, don't slow down, because he'll run right through you. It's like two cars in a head-on."

The words struck me, in part because the coach happens to be a police officer who might know about such things. Then I had a revelation: THAT'S WHY DRUNKS ALWAYS SEEM TO LIVE THROUGH HEAD-ON COLLISIONS.

They don't slow down. So the force they create crushes through the slower vehicle. The poor family that gets massacred? Well, daddy slams on the brakes, unwittingly guaranteeing doom for his kin. The faster car wins. Of course, the weight and design of the vehicles involved play a role, but the completely irresponsible moral of this story, which no responsible authority figure will ever tell you, is:

If you're about to get in an inevitable head-on, hit the gas and pray.


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