Longform

A South Florida Dominatrix Indulges in the Gray Area of the Law

Page 5 of 5

It's Wednesday night at Graziano's, an Argentine steak house in Coral Gables, and the place is packed. Sitting before me, squirming, is a scrawny young man in his late 20s with acne and a jutting overbite. He wants to be publicly humiliated. He's sitting on a vibrating butt plug that's operated by remote control. As the waiter approaches, my boss reaches under the table and presses a button. The subbie muffles a squeal of delight. The waiter is puzzled: "What's that buzzing sound?"

I look at the head mistress and chuckle. The man has no idea what we we're up to.

"I never thought I'd do this," the client whispers after the waiter leaves. This is his first session in public, and he's red-faced with pleasure. "You must really love what you do," he says.

I think for a moment and realize he's right. I began doing this for the money but continue for the thrill. This is not the case with every client, but there's something about seeing a man in total submission that's a turn-on. That might seem unhealthy to some people, but having grown up in a Muslim-majority country where you can be prosecuted for even thinking about doing what I do for a living, I find it strangely liberating.

Being a dominatrix is not for the faint of heart. You need to be part nurse, part actress, and part psychologist. And the job certainly has its drawbacks. Having someone suck your toes for 60 minutes requires a lot of patience.

But when it's good, it's so good that I sometimes think I should be paying the clients. In the heat of a session, something comes over me that makes me higher than any drug. It's as if I am possessed by pure id, a surge of untrammeled sexual electricity. Looking down at a slave's prostrate body, I cackle like a B-movie villain and feel intoxicated with my own power.

I've always been an exhibitionist, and at these moments, I feel most alive, most like me.

I can't see myself doing this for the rest of my life. My true dream is to become a professional writer, penning provocative articles and best-selling books about the dark side of human sexuality, the one field that, despite my tender years, I know something about.

But for the time being, at least until the economy picks up, this is more than fine, providing me insight into how — to paraphrase the Marquis de Sade — it is through pain that one comes to fully appreciate pleasure.

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Gavin, Lera