Lists

All 30 Cities in Broward County, Ranked From Worst to Best

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30. Weston

Pro: Shit. This is hard. It's, um, not North Korea?

Con: Broward's westernmost city couldn't even come up with an exciting name. Weston? Jesus, the creative team behind the orange could have come up with a catchier title. This boring suburban sprawl is built on an 8,000-year-old Indian burial mound, and even that doesn't make it exciting. As far as we can tell, Weston doesn't have an official city motto. We submit the following: "Weston! It's like putting together a 10,000-piece jigsaw puzzle of the color blue."

Bottom Line: Weston makes shuffleboard look like mixed martial arts. Stay away!

29. Margate

Pros: Back in 1924, Margate was founded by a ground of heretic nuns who cast off their religious vows after discovering the musical stylings of early jazz artist Jelly Roll Morton. The so-called "Holly Jelly Rollers" held wild orgiastic seances, smoked hashish, and believed after death that the Holy Jelly-ness himself would return to conquer the world.

See also: The Six Worst Places in Broward

Cons: We had to make that up because there is nothing interesting to say about Margate. Sorry, Margate.

Bottom Line: If only the Holy Jelly-ness cometh.

28. Coral Springs

Pros: Coral Springs is a kind of paradise if your check list includes: suburban shopping developments, little traffic and congestion, chain restaurants, and more white people than you'll find in a Mr. Clean commercial.

Cons: Coral Springs is a hellhole if your check list includes: suburban shopping developments, little traffic or congestion, chain restaurants, and more white than people than you'll find in a Mr. Clean commercial.

Bottom Line: More white people than you'll find at a Gilmore Girls fan convention.

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New Times Staff