All 30 Cities in Broward County, Ranked From Worst to Best

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27. North Lauderdale

Pro: Another urban planning experiment, this time the brainstorm of none other than Morris Lapidus, the famous architect whose hotel designs like the Eden Roc and the Fontainebleau Hotel helped define mid-21st-century Miami Beach.

Cons: North Lauderdale ain't Miami Beach, pal. Also, the city has been struggling with crime for a number of years, with its violent crime and property crime both rank above the national average. Plus, even residents admit the town now has a tough reputation for drugs and crime.

Bottom Line: Another featureless swath of Broward sprawl - except for the discount crack business.

26. Tamarac

Pros: Tamarac is the crown jewel of the big spread of West Broward, an endless stretch of housing developments and strip malls that could be a stand-in for suburbia in any part of the country.

Cons: The city was originally cooked up in the 1960s by a Midwestern land developer as a massive retirement community of cookie-cutter single-family homes. It was like paradise for olds. And the name "Tamarac"? It's reportedly from the name of a car wash chain, Caramat, owned by the city's founder but spelled backwards. Seriously. Backward.

Bottom Line: Still pretty sleepyyyyyyyyyyyyyyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . .

25. Pembroke Park

Pros: With a cozy population of just over 6,000 and a total area of 1.6 square miles, you'll get to know your neighbor real well.

Cons: Then you'll get to see your neighbor fly away, because a large portion of the Pembroke Park population lives in mobile homes, which -- in a state prone to hurricanes -- is kind of like making a football helmet out of eggshells.

Bottom Line: Pembroke Park is a town you drive by, and that's pretty much it.

24. Plantation

Pro: They filmed parts of There's Something About Mary in Plantation. And the famous doodie pool scene from Caddyshack was also filmed in Plantation. So your chances of being an extra in something are higher than normal.

Con: In what either has to be a subtle bemoaning of its geography or a genuine lack of self-awareness, Plantation's official motto is "The Grass Is Greener." And when in Plantation, it feels that way. Smack dab in the middle of Lauderhill, Sunrise, Davie, and Fort Lauderdale, Plantation seems doomed to be forever upstaged by its neighbors.

Bottom Line: Chances are, anything you can get in Plantation, you can get a better version of it if you head to one of its neighboring cities.

23. Lazy Lake

Pro: As of 2012, 35 residents lived in Lazy Lake. Lazy Lake is a village within Wilton Manors with a total area of about .2 square miles. It's the perfect town for those in the witness protection program. It is Broward County's smallest town. It's probably one of the only incorporated municipalities that you could stand in the center of and throw a football out of.

Con: This little cozy town is not without its drama. In 1995, the residents of Lazy Lake put the town up for sale for $15 million. Nobody bought it. This hurt Lazy Lake's feelings immeasurably.

Bottom Line: This town is weird. But weird can also be good. The good news about living in a town of 35? You develop close personal relationships with your community. The bad news? The entire town knows when you farted.

22. Cooper City

Pros: With 22 neighborhood parks and two sports complexes, it ain't hard to burn calories in Cooper City.

Cons: Cooper City is about as diverse as a Josh Groban concert. Eighty-five percent of the population is white. The city is like one very big, very boring episode of Mad Men. Also, its city commissioners have a long history of being dicks. Back in 2012, Cooper City Commissioner John Sims posted an insanely racist rant about Obama on Facebook, and in 2013 Cooper City Commissioner Lisa Mallozzi told an 81-year-old resident to blow her during a commission meeting. (Luckily the elderly lady did not, in fact, blow her.)

Bottom Line: Cooper City has a little too much weird, even for Florida. Its local government leaves a lot to be desired. And in the past two years, three -- yes three -- Cooper City residents have been struck by lightning because they decided to climb a tree during a lightning storm. Stay out of Cooper City. And -- for Christ's sake -- stay out of trees.

21. Miramar

Pros: Miramar is a buffer between Broward and Miami-Dade, which makes it an ideal location for people looking to experience the best of both South Florida counties. Also, the Sunset Lakes Municipal Complex offers weekly jazzercise and karate classes, which is quite possibly the oddest way a city can prepare for the purge.

Cons: Miramar suffers from a bit of an identity crisis. Its name - Miramar - translates roughly to "sea view." Miramar is, however, landlocked and not located directly on the Atlantic Ocean. Miramar's motto is "Beauty and Progress." But Miramar also arrested Trick Daddy. And there is nothing beautiful or progressive about taking down a South Florida legend whose only crime was loving the kids. Wait. That sounded weird.

Bottom line: While its central location is nice, Miarmar's lack of any real culinary or nightlife scene is a major drag. Tack on a crime rate that hovers above the U.S. average in just about every type of crime and chances are, you're staying far away from these jazzy ninjas.

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New Times Staff