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All Palin, All The Time

What the hell, this is Sarah Palin's day, so I might as go with it. Here's some of the latest info on McCain's choice:

-- She's born-again Christian who advocated banning books from the library. From a New York Times article about her initial race to become mayor of Wasilla:

Anti-abortion fliers circulated. Ms. Palin played up her church work and her membership in the National Rifle Association. The state Republican Party, never involved before because city elections are nonpartisan, ran advertisements on Ms. Palin’s behalf.

Two years after Representative Newt Gingrich helped draft the Contract With America to advance Republican positions, Ms. Palin and her passion for Republican ideology and religious faith overtook a town known for a wide libertarian streak and for helping start the Iditarod sled dog race.

“Sarah comes in with all this ideological stuff, and I was like, ‘Whoa,’ ” said Mr. Stein, who lost the election. “But that got her elected: abortion, gun rights, term limits and the religious born-again thing. I’m not a churchgoing guy, and that was another issue: ‘We will have our first Christian mayor.’ ”

“I thought: ‘Holy cow, what’s happening here? Does that mean she thinks I’m Jewish or Islamic?’ ” recalled Mr. Stein, who was raised Lutheran, and later went to work as the administrator for the city of Sitka in southeast Alaska. “The point was that she was a born-again Christian.”

And remember that time she fired the town librarian? Well here's a little background:

Shortly after becoming mayor, former city officials and Wasilla residents said, Ms. Palin approached the town librarian about the possibility of banning some books, though she never followed through and it was unclear which books or passages were in question.

Ann Kilkenny, a Democrat who said she attended every City Council meeting in Ms. Palin’s first year in office, said Ms. Palin brought up the idea of banning some books at one meeting. “They were somehow morally or socially objectionable to her,” Ms. Kilkenny said.

The librarian, Mary Ellen Emmons, pledged to “resist all efforts at censorship,” Ms. Kilkenny recalled. Ms. Palin fired Ms. Emmons shortly after taking office but changed course after residents made a strong show of support.

Of particularly chilling note to those who give a damn about the First Amendmen is that the NYT reported that Palin instituted a "surprise edict" in Wasilla: "No employee was to talk to the news media without her permission."

-- She had never in her life applied for a passport until last year when she went to Kuwait. Talk about international experience. Whew.

-- Yes, she was a member for a time of a fringe political group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the United States.

-- Her husband had a DUI 22 years ago she has acknowledged smoking marijuana in the past (which actually warms me up to her a bit).

-- Then there's the boy that could become America's Second Son-In-Law, Levi Johnston. He's the boy that knocked up Palin's 17-year-old daughter, Bristol. You might call him the shotgun kid. Why? Because he wrote on MySpace page (which was looted before he privatized it) that he's in a "relationship" but "I don't want kids."

"I'm a fuckin' redneck," he wrote. "... I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some shit and just fuckin' chillin' I guess ... Ya fuck with me I'll kick [your] ass."

Here's Levi:

And again:

As Jeff Foxworthy might say, "If your MySpace page when you are 18 is dominated by pictures of you drinking from a huge jug of whiskey and holding shotguns and pistols with your little sister ... you just might be a fuckin redneck."

You'll see him at the Republican Convention tonight, sans the liquor and firearms I'm sure. But just wait for the party in the hotel ...

And finally we have John DeGroot's ace journalistic work on the Palin saga. He's found another Sarah Palin in the parallel universe of South Florida -- and he's discovered that our Sarah Palin hasn't fared nearly as well as Alaska's GOP-adored version. Here's DeGroot's report, which you will find exclusively on the Pulp:

A Fable For Our Times By John DeGroot

Although unaware of their status as residents of a parallel universe, Todd and Sarah Palin are painfully aware they – like Job before them -- are being sorely tested by the God.

“I know God’s got His reasons for what He’s putting our family through,” says Sarah Plain, 42, of Miami. “But He’s sure put a powerful hurt on us and our kids.”

For reasons best left to those familiar with quantum physics and multiple dimensions, the Miami Palins live in Parallel Universe A-15-Q while their counterpart Palins live in Alaska in Parallel Universe A-14-Q, according to the latest findings from the Large Hadron Collider at CERN on the French border near Switzerland.

When asked why Alaska’s Sarah Palin had been chosen as the Republican Vice Presidential Candidate while Sarah Palin of Miami had just been named Vice President of Miami’s Mom’s for No Sex Through Jesus (MNSJ), the noted Princeton Quantum Physicist Dr. Wilhelm Schmutzkopf, said, “Who knows? We can’t even figure out where subatomic particles go when they disappear and then come back.”

Sarah Palin of Miami, however, dismisses any talk about her life in a parallel universe as, “It’s like us being descended from monkeys -- nothing but Godless science from Satan.”

“The Bible says God created one universe in six days,” Miami’s Palin adds. “And no monkey-loving scientist is going to

tell me otherwise..”

Still, Miami ’s Sarah Palin has managed to keep her sense of humor – given all she and her family have been through this year.

“The way it’s been going for us, the next thing you know it’ll be frogs and locusts in our backyard and blood in the Miami River ,” she chuckles.

For example:

-- It’s been nearly a year since Florida ’s failing economy cost Sarah’s husband Todd his job as construction worker.:

-- While four months ago, Sarah gave birth to a son with Down Syndrome, which resulted in the family being slammed with a $178,000 hospital bill..

-- And now Bristol, her 17-year-old daughter and a high school senior, is five-month pregnant and unmarried.

-- Then there’s the Palin’s Down Syndrome son Trig, who has yet to qualify for the care and treatment the frail and sickly infant needs – due to Florida ’s current budget crisis.

-- Finally, the Palin family home is in foreclosure.

“All I know is our family’d be a darn sight better off if we’d come over on a boat from Cuba ,” says Sarah Palin. “Of course, that’s a really un-Christian thing for me to say and I’m sorry ‘cause there’s lot’s of Miami folks got it just as bad as us.”

But Sarah Palin’s greatest source of personal pain stems from the letter she received from the Mom’s for No Sex through Jesus (MNSJ).

“They say I might not be fit to be Vice President of Moms for No Sex because my oldest daughter is an unmarried pregnant high school kid, which makes her a sinner,” Plain says. “What’s worse, they don’t even want to hear it when I tell my daughter’s pregnant through the will of God.”

Still Sarah Palin believes God has not totally abandoned her family.

“Our oldest boy Trig is in the Army and headed for Iraq this month,” she says. “So that means we’ll be getting his combat pay, which will sure be a blessing from God.”

Also, Palin says. “The last time I called before they cut off the phone, the people at the state told me we’ll be getting food stamps before the end of the year.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: A campaign spokesman for Alaska's Sarah Palin, who will address the Republican Convention tonight, declined to comment about Miami's Sarah Palin.

“All I know is our Sarah Palin is fine Christian woman raising a typical American family blessed by God,” the spokesman noted.

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Journalist Bob Norman has been raking the muck of South Florida for the past 25 years. His work has led to criminal cases against corrupt politicians, the ouster of bad judges from the bench, and has garnered dozens of state, regional, and national awards.
Contact: Bob Norman

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