Allen West Almost Became the New Speaker of the House

After many House Republicans lost their shit over Speaker of the House John "It's Not Pronounced Boner" Boehner helped them lose their fight over the fiscal cliff bill that was passed on New Year's Eve, many began to make harrumph noises about whether he was fit for duty.

So when the 113th Congress was sworn in on Thursday, many believed that Boehner's days as the speaker were kaput.

That didn't turn out to be the case. But in a wild and wacky twist of what-mighta-been, outgoing Rep. Allen West actually received some votes for the speakership.

West lost his job back in November when voters decided he was a tad too nutty to represent them. And while Ole Commie Hunter's been out of work (save for the occasional appearance on Fox & Friends to spew his inanity), that didn't stop his GOPer colleagues from voting for him.

Of the 426 votes cast, Speaker McBurntSiennaFace got 220, enough for him to retain speakership.

Among those who also received votes: Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Colin Powell, Gen. David Walker, and West.

Surprisingly, no one cast a vote for Big Bird, or Your Mom.

The votes for West came specifically from two of his teabagger pals, Rep. Paul Broun of Georgia and Rep. Louie Gohmert of Texas.

Broun, as some might recall, was the congressman who called science "lies from the pit of hell."

Gohmert's claim to fame was spouting a theory that President Obama had Muammar Qaddafi ousted "so al Qaeda could take over."

So, basically, pretty much the two biggest nutbags cast their vote for Allen West to supplant Boehner.

But still, it's hard not to imagine that in some alternate universe somewhere, the United States has Speaker Allen West at the helm where every bill presented is about rounding up communists and communist sympathizers and sending them to the Allen West Mooslum & Commie Socialist Gulags.

As for the Allen West in our reality, he naturally opposed the fiscal cliff bill.

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph