A Greenacres man is facing domestic assault charges after an argument over using paper clips to close a bag of potato chips got physical.
According to the arrest report, the awesomely named Rockerfeller Excellent and an unidentified woman got into a brouhaha after the woman's 14-year-old daughter apparently used paper clips to close an opened bag of snack chips.
This reportedly escalated to the point where Excellent allegedly strangled the woman and hit the teen girl.
And while sealing a bag of chips with paper clips does seem kind of annoying and, logistically speaking, not a very efficient way to go about it, Excellent's response was a tad excessive.
Excellent, 59, initially asked the girl's mother to step outside to talk about ways in which bags of chips are NOT to be closed in the Excellent household.
The report says he cursed at her when she slammed the door instead of holding it open for him. The woman responded by cursing at him and stormed back into the house. That's when Excellent allegedly grabbed her by the throat from behind.
The 14-year-old girl saw this and came to her mother's aid. That's when Excellent let go of the woman and struck the girl on the side of the head, according to the report.
The report also says Excellent looked at the girl and apparently said, "That's how it is?"
In which one would hope the answer would be "Shit and yeah!" upon seeing one's mother being strangled and then acting on it.
The entire assault occurred in front of the woman's 12-month-old son.
Excellent is facing charges of domestic battery by strangulation and child abuse. He was released from the Palm Beach County Jail on Sunday on $1,500 bond, which probably means he won't be able to afford chips for a while.
You would think a dude named Rockerfeller Excellent would be cool and handle himself better over the way a bag of chips was closed. That's like Remington Steele losing his shit over someone leaving his peanut butter in the fridge.