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As Gen. McChrystal's Head Rolls, a Dearth of Rolling Stones

​In the wake of the news that Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal is no longer The Main Man in Afghanistan, we strolled into Bob's News, the venerable periodical shop on South Andrews Ave., past the creepy dude ogling the nubiles in this month's Barely Legal, past the how-to hydroponics guides, past last Sunday's moldy New York Times and those travel maps of Tegucigalpa. All we wanted was the new Rolling Stone. Not because its cover promised to thrust Lady Gaga's bodacious ta-tas in our face: we were into it for the articles, man. 

Especially the one that just happened to send a certain four-star general to the soup kitchen.

But, alas,


the issue on the rack, nestled snugly between Spin and Mojo, featured Jay-Z's growling mug on the cover. And the dude behind the counter was busy felt-tipping a hand-made sign with the words ROLLING STONE on it. 

Wow -- was the air so thick with Stanley schadenfreude that Bob's couldn't keep the issue in stock?

"It hasn't even been printed yet," said Commander Sharpie, who added our first name and phone number to a waiting list (we made it clear we were after "Runaway General," not Gaga's ta-tas). 

Only five names were ahead of ours, he noted, adding that the tale responsible for unravelling Gen. McChrystal's career wouldn't be available until Friday morning at the earliest.

"That's what the distributor told us, anyway," he shrugged. "Call us after 7 a.m. and we'll know for sure." 

Hey, by that time, the July issue of Wombat Fancy might be in! Sweet!

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Jeff Stratton
Contact: Jeff Stratton