Atkins-Grad Lives to See Another Day, Jordan Gets Hitched, LeBron Is LeBron

The local personalities, egos, and public figures who swung through the news cycle this week, ranked by New Times' crack research department using a highly scientific algorithm.  

5. Not Spring Breakers. Did we do something to offend to gods of February beachside debauchery? Here it is, prime spring break season, and all the temperature can do is struggle up into the low 70s? This isn't doing us any favors in the tourism department...

4. Tamarac Commissioner Patte Atkins-Grad. Despite convincing a jury she was too stupid to actually take bribes, the embattled Tamarac commissioner looked like an easy target for a recall effort by steamed residents. But after months of collecting signatures, the effort fell short -- by 18 names. Somehow, this lady keeps squeezing free from what she's earned.

3. Michael Jordan. This is week, new South Floridian and all-around basketball god Michael Jordon filed for a marriage license at the West Palm Courthouse this week. We really are only putting him up here to once again talk about his strange, tortured obsession with factory-ripped baggy jeans. Our only hope is that the Florida temperatures will be too much for MJ and he'll have to leave them in the closet...

2. But still...  LeBron James. Of course, egomaniac that he is, LeBron couldn't let MJ enjoy wedding bells without crowding into the frame. LeBron announced his own save-the-date yesterday as well. These young ones, they've got no class. 

1. Venezuelans Everywhere. The biggest news this week around the world was the death of Venezuela's Hugo Chavez. What does that mean for South Florida? Basically Weston hosted a street party that was more fun than spring break in Fort Lauderdale.

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