Women won't walk alone through the intersection of Chase Street and Trinity Place in West Palm Beach anymore. There have been assaults, merciless attacks... by birds. According to a WPBF report, nearly a dozen residents have been assaulted by a winged rebel intent on pecking, squawking, following, and other ruthless acts of, you know, being a bird.
Interested in why a bird might develop a vendetta against West Palm women, I called up the local Critter Control branch.
"Was it black?" the woman asked.
"Uh. I don't know," I stammered, trying to remember if the bird's composite sketch had been shaded in or not, and some rhetoric about post-racial America.
Before I could, she replied that a small black bird called the grackle, often confused for a crow, will dive-bomb at humans to protect its young.
I was told a technican would be getting in touch to further hash out the bird's identity and intentions, but in the meantime, enjoy the video above, chockfull of recreated footage that would make To Catch A Predator proud.