Hi. Hello. How are you? It's Primary Election night, and lots and lots of races are being decided by the very little of you who actually showed up to vote.
But, no worries. We got you covered on the winners as the results come in.
See which judges will be cleaning up our streets. See which guy will be the guy to face off against Pam Bondi. See just how badly Nan Rich will lose to Charlie Crist.
Keep it here throughout the night, and don't forget to hit refresh.
IT'S GONNA BE TOTALLY CRAZY!!
10:50: Broward County School Board, District 1 WINNER
Looks like Broward voters didn't much care that Ann Murray said racist things back when she worked for the school district in 2007, because they decided to hand her the victory over Felicia Brunson.
What's crazy (other than, you know, the fact that a person who uses the N-word won this thing) is that Murray looks to have won this race by the slimmest of margins: Just 294 votes with 91 of 92 precincts reporting. That's razor thin.
10:30: Circuit Court Judge, 17th Circuit WINNER
Rick Scott-appointed Judge Lynn Rosenthal took some Ambien, and then drove to work, and then crashed into a parked cop car in the courthouse parking lot.
And tonight, Broward voters have given her the victory over Frantz "Jahra" McLawrence.
Democratic Primary, District 8 WINNER
Looks like controversial Broward Mayor Barbara Sharief is going to keep her seat after beating Alexandra Davis.
10:00: Republican Primary, District 23 WINNER With pretty much all the precincts reporting on this one, it looks like Joe Kaufman has beaten Juan Garcia.
Democratic Primary, District 24 WINNER Meanwhile, Frederica Wilson gets the win over Michael Etienne
9:30: Democratic Primary, District 20 WINNER
We're calling it for Alcee Hastings, who easily defeated Jameel McCline and Jean L. Enright.
Hastings will be vying for his 11th term when he faces off against Republican Jay Bonner in November.
9:20: Governor WINNER
We're officially calling it. Time for Nan Rich to throw in the towel like Rocky when Drago was beating the crap out of Apollo Creed's face. At this point it's 74% to 26%, meaning Charlie Crist is your Democratic candidate for the Governor's seat.
Oh, and Charlie called it too, sending out this email statement just after 9:00:
Tonight, I am honored to be the Democratic nominee for governor of the great state of Florida.
Because of your time and generosity, we're going to take on Rick Scott on November 4th.
And if we do our jobs right, when the sun rises on November 5th, it'll shed light on a Florida full of opportunity for our kids, our businesses, and our families.
For the next 70 days, we have to tell Floridians what that sunny future looks like.
Tomorrow, we're going to hit the ground running. We have money to raise and doors to knock on -- we have to put the people back in charge again.
But right now, all I have to say is this:
Thank you and God bless you.
Crist V. Scott. LESS GET IT OWWWWN.
Honored and humbled to officially be the Florida Democratic Party's nominee for governor. pic.twitter.com/FXVTIWnsfH— Charlie Crist (@CharlieCrist) August 27, 2014
Attorney General WINNER
With 77% of the precincts reporting, The Pulp is calling George Sheldon the winner over Perry Thurston. Sheldon now has the uphill task of unseating a very well-funded Pam Bondi. The medical marijuana vote and same-sex marriage advocates could come out strong for Sheldon in November. We shall see.
Meanwhile, Bondi is already calling Sheldon out to debate. If we're Sheldon, we start that debate by doing a side-by-side comparisons of how many times each candidate has been married. HEY-OOOOOO....
8:45: Governor: With 69 of 577 precincts reporting, Charlie Crist leads Nan Rich 76.20% to 23.80%, meaning Crist v. Scott is going to be a thing.
Attorney General: Meanwhile, the race to see who will face off against Pam Bondi seems to be going to George Sheldon, though Lauderdale-native Perry Thurston is carrying Broward pretty strongly.
Reps: Joseph Kaufman is running away with the 23rd congressional over Juan Garcia, while Alcee Hastings seems to be cruising to a victory for the 20th over Jameel McCline and Jean L. Enright.
Oh yea, and Rick Scott is definitely going to be running as the Republican candidate again: