Broward's Best (Worst) Local Commercials | The Daily Pulp | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida


Broward's Best (Worst) Local Commercials

Commercials can be frustrating. A giant corporation spends millions of dollars to take up 30 seconds of your life and, more often than not, leaves you saying this is the best we can do. I mean, I'm a peaceful person, but if I ever see the Geico lizard walking down the street, I will kick him like a soccer ball.

Now, local commercials, that's a different story. A small business scraping together some cash and going low-budget on your ass. There's honor in that.

Unfortunately some of them are bad enough to make Don Draper stop drinking. But that's why we love them. Right? Here are some of Broward's best (worst) local commercials to keep you smiling that confused smile.

See also: Commercial Jingles From Your South Florida Childhood That Will Stay With You FOREVER

Is that Regis Philbin?

Hospitals are great. And Regis Philbin is great. So, together they should be super great. Right?

Not necessarily. Two great things don't always combine to make more greatness. Example: Maya Angelou and whiskey. Separately, they are two great things, but the last time they got together, Oprah Winfrey got a black eye (allegedly).

However, Reeg does manage to do one incredible thing in this commercial. He starts a story with, "Years ago, I was an altar boy," and it doesn't end horrifically.

Blackfish besties.

We all remember this commercial for Miami Seaquarium. But have you seen this one?

Come make friends at Miami Seaquarium? You want me to be friends with a killer whale? What's wrong with you! Have you seen Blackfish yet?

Why would I want a friend who literally is always thinking about ways to kill me?

Gee, I'd sure like a friend who's been driven insane by a life of confinement and isolation. Me and my new buddy are gonna have so much fun while he slowly drowns me before taking his rows of white teeth to my genitals.

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Ryan Pfeffer is Miami New Times’ music editor. After earning a BS in editing, writing, and media from Florida State University, Ryan joined the New Times staff in November 2013 as a web editor, where he coined the phrase "pee-tweet" (to retweet someone while urinating). Born and raised in Fort Lauderdale, he’s now neck-deep in bass and booty in the 305.
Contact: Ryan Pfeffer

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