Among the more tasteful coverage of the Casey Anthony clusterfuck is the National Enquirer's in-depth investigation of Anthony's postprison plans, which are pretty much a rip-off of a Nicholas Cage flick.
As it turns out, Anthony's future will likely be half Face Off, half Lifetime saga: The 25-year-old is going to get $50,000 in face-changing plastic surgery, then flee to Australia with a rich bachelor. (Sorry, boys!)
And in a plot twist that could only be from the Enquirer's pages, this Aussie suitor might even be Anthony's baby daddy!
The celebrity rag, which describes Anthony as America's "most hated woman," says that Anthony and the older, loaded gentleman met at an Orlando bar in 2004.
(Note: While the Pulp is actively working to find the text of this article online, it doesn't look as if it's posted. On the Enquirer's main page, though, you can see the cover of the July 25 edition, with its bawler headline: "Casey Anthony WEDDING BOMBSHELL! Secret new life of most hated woman in America.")
Anthony and the mysterious 51-year-old, so the story goes, messed around for a few months. But the gent had no idea that Caylee was born in August 2005 and "didn't realize he could be the child's dad until he began watching Casey's trial on TV and learned Caylee's birth date."
He purportedly started writing her love letters while she was in jail.
Anthony, sources claim, sees his courtship as a ticket to a new life -- which includes getting married and having a baby "to replace Caylee -- and more after that."
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
The Enquirer doesn't say whether Anthony's future children might also be retroactively aborted.