Nice try, VeriChip, but your plot to implant mankind with the "mark of the beast" was foiled by Mark Cole, Virginia delegate. VeriChip, a Delray Beach company that was purchased earlier this month by IBM, makes an FDA-approved microchip that contains a person's medical information so that it can be accessed in a medical emergency.
Which sounds pretty harmless -- to heathens. But if you've read the Good Book lately, you'd realize this invention means the apocalypse is nigh.
"My understanding -- I'm not a theologian -- but there's a prophecy in the Bible that says you'll have to receive a mark, or you can neither buy nor sell things in end times," Cole said. "Some people think these computer chips might be that mark."
Sound delusional? Well, just in case it's not, Cole's fellow members of the House of Delegates passed a bill yesterday forbidding employers to implant employees with microchips.
A problem, though, gentleman: How do we know that you Virginia delegates don't already have chip implants? To put it another way, how can we be sure that you are plotting against, not with, the anti-Christ?
But don't take my word for it. You'll find a far more authoritative account of VeriChip's evils in this article.
Want evidence of VeriChip's plot for enslaving Christians and destroying the world?
- Since VeriChip was purchased by IBM it's now known as PositiveID. (A name change to throw its critics off the scent, mm?)
- The company also has a new media relations firm based in Washington, D.C. (This proves VeriChip is in cahoots with the federal government's anti-Christ operatives, maybe?)
- VeriChip's buyer, IBM, used to make punch cards for Nazi Germany. (Oh, you thought Hitler was really dead?)
- People at concentration camps were gassed with Zyklon B, which was patented by a company that once did business with Standard Oil, which existed during Hitler's time. (No clue what Standard Oil has to do with VeriChip, but let's just give our conspiracy theorist the benefit of the doubt on this one.)
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
The CEO of VeriChip / PositiveID, Scott Silverman, said that the company never, ever planned to implant people with the chip unwillingly. But our doomsday prophet was not fooled.
Greg Nikolettos, founder of We The People Will Not Be Chipped Movement, responded critically. "Enough of the lies, Scott. We have reached breaking point with how your company conducts itself in the market. As people worldwide unite and spend more time researching Verichip and the human microchipping agenda, the more it becomes evident you are a shoe-in for lying-CEO-of-the-year and for the Verichip to be awarded the Lemon-of-the-Decade product award. Nothing has changed with your market tactics since we released the short film "Operation Lie and Deceive - Verichip Style' 6 exposing the companies unethical practises... although we do concede that something has changed: the length of your nose'.
I left a message with VeriChip/Positive ID but haven't heard back. Here's the video from We the People Will Not Be Chipped: