Longform

Crush Me, Kill Me

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It was no secret that Loudermilk had a consuming foot fetish. He even told his mother about it. "He told me that he had a fetish for, like, feet," she says. "I figured, well, that's his thing."

In personal ads soliciting potential "foot goddesses," Loudermilk was more explicit:

"26 year old male with appetite for female feet. I love feet! Being walked on, suck toes, licking feet or crush, I love all aspects of feet" is how Loudermilk described himself in one ad in a foot fetish magazine.

In letters to fellow fetishists, he included his own drawings of giant women crushing men. Each letter was signed with "A tiny foot slave" above Loudermilk's name.

"Ever since I can remember I have always had a foot/crush fetish," Loudermilk wrote to Jeff Vilencia, a California crush fetishist who ran a video production company in the 1990s.

"Bryan had this fantasy of a woman wearing Roman-style sandals," Vilencia remembers. The footwear apparently symbolized that the woman was a goddess, a recurrent theme in Loudermilk's fantasies.

"Have you ever wished you were invisible so that you could lay down in a woman's path?" Loudermilk wrote to Vilencia. "Wished that you could be the slave of a giant goddess from outer space?"

"In his mind," Vilencia says, "it was a loving gesture to be squashed by this woman."

A drawing Loudermilk sent Vilencia depicts giant, strong women clad in goddess garb. One drawing, Rage of a Goddess, starred an angry giantess in sandals stepping on the population of a small village. Another shows a seated woman crushing two small figures under her sandals.

"You would talk to the guy, and he'll tell you he thought he was the only one on the planet who felt this way," Vilencia says. "A lot of people maybe tried to suppress it. Bryan didn't."

Photographs Loudermilk sent Vilencia show him masked and lying on the floor with a blissful expression on his face as feet press into his neck.


Loudermilk's fantasies about being trampled by giant, powerful women are shared by a wide variety of men in South Florida. I discovered this through a little legwork: I placed an ad in the personals sections of several websites offering my trampling services and size 9 feet to any man willing to be written about for an article.

Seventeen local men answered over the next two weeks. Some wanted me to step on them while barefoot. Others hoped I'd crush their cocks with black stiletto heels. Some were married. Most were professionals. They ranged in age from 25 to 56. A few sent (faceless) photos. Most were regular-sounding guys who were delighted to hear that a woman wanted to know more about stepping on them.

"There is an old movie, Butterfield 8," wrote one man. "Liz Taylor is a high-priced call girl. Wears black stilettos. Richard Burton desires her for himself. He grabs her arm in a nightclub, squeezing it painfully, she digs her stiletto heel into his foot, both watch the pain in each other's eyes. I saw it when I was about ten, got a woodie, never forgot."

"For me, its most vivid form takes place via roleplay," another wrote. "It's all about the process by which I first become entranced by seeing the feet... later to be held prisoner beneath them."

The first response to my ad came from a man whose girlfriend regularly tramples him. The couple invited me to meet them.

Jess, a 24-year-old dominatrix, recently moved to Pompano Beach from New York City. While I watched, she placed her slender, tattooed right foot on Frank, a tall and gaunt 34-year-old man lying on his back on a mat rolled out on the tile floor of their apartment. Her foot kneaded him roughly near his shoulder and moved with practiced ease up to Frank's face, smacking him lightly.

"You have to tease them a little," she said. "Work up to the trample. You don't just hop on and go. For us, it's foreplay."

Frank has been having women trample him for ten years. On his back and legs, as well as on his face and penis.

Jess, who's worked at dungeons in downtown Fort Lauderdale as well as New York and St. Louis, said that while she's never been asked to crush animals or insects for a man's pleasure, trampling is a common request.

"Some of them want heels; some want barefoot. They want you to trample their entire bodies, stand on their feet, everything. It's a huge thing. I'll put my feet on their face and crush their face. It gets them off. These men want me to stomp on their chest. They're screaming for you to do it harder and harder, to kick them in the face. It's scary and disgusting and erotic all at the same time."

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Julia Reischel