The Miami Dolphins won their third-consecutive game on Sunday by thoroughly trouncing the San Diego Chargers to the tune of 37-0.
It was one of the most complete beatdowns the Dolphins have handed an opponent in some time, which not only made Sunday an absolute riot but also brought us one week closer to our prediction coming true!
The Dolphins dominated all phases of the game. The offense soared, the defense devoured the running game bull-dozed, and the quarterback planted his flag.
While the win was huge and brought Miami to 5-3, Ryan Tannehill -- the once vilified toe-thumb vanilla-pants QB -- was the story of this game. He came, he saw, he kicked major ass.
Here's how the Dolphins did their thing:
Dan Marino Brought the Thunder Out of the Vanilla When Dan Marino was hired to a "special adviser" to the Dolphins this year, no one was really sure what the hell that meant or what his job would be, specifically. Turns out, Marino was brought in to shove a lightning bolt from his god-like right arm straight up Ryan Tannehill's keister to knock some sense into the kid. And holy crap, it's working!
According to a report on the Dolphins' official website, Marino has taken it upon himself to tutor Tannehill in the ways of being awesome.
"Dan has been great," Tannehill told the media this week. "He's been around a lot as of recent. Watched tape with him. He's been in the QB room. He's a great resource to have around, just his knowledge of the game, obviously the success that he had during his career."
Added Tannehill: "He's always just pointing out little things on tape, whether it's a receiver's routes or something I'm doing. He's good at picking up little things and passing them along."
It's one thing to listen to a coach tell you how to read routes and how to look of safeties. It's quite another when the voice of a God speaks to you from the clouds and tells you what you're doing wrong and how to stop sucking. Basically, you listen. Just the way Moses did when the Burning Bush told him how to spot an oncoming safety blitz.
The results have been pretty amazing. Tannehill went from an indecisive, nervous, inaccurate wreck to one of the most dangerous quarterbacks in the league seemingly overnight. On Sunday he went 24-for-34 for 288 yards and two touchdowns. He also didn't throw an interception and finished the game with a career-high 94.5 passer rating.
Suddenly the Dolphins have a quarterback who can do damage. And while Tannehill remains a bland cat through and through, the fact that Marino's powers have somehow been handed over to him in small doses is very good news for the Dolphins.
Ryan Tannehill has gone from vanilla pants to VANILLA THUNDER!
The Defense Continues to Pound Offenses Into a Pulp As we've written before, this Dolphins defense is a buzz saw of kickassery in every aspect. Last week, Reshad Jones proclaimed that he's playing like the best safety in the NFL. And you know what? HE TOTALLY FUCKING IS.
On Sunday, Jones led the Dolphins defense in the annihilation of the San Diego Chargers. Jones was all over the field, wrecking ass and causing havoc everywhere he went. Jones recorded five tackles and an interception that set up a Dolphins field goal. Meanwhile, cornerback Brent Grimes managed to snag two interceptions off Philip Rivers, while Cameron Wake and Randy Starks each left teeth marks on Rivers' buttocks with a sack each.
More important, the Dolphins D shut out a dangerous Chargers offense. Sunday marked the first time in 15 years the Chargers failed to score a single point. The Dolphins D also held San Diego to just 50 yards rushing.
The best part of Miami's defense is that it can do serious damage once the team takes the lead. As soon as the Dolphins scored their first TD Sunday, the defense went into WRECK FACES MODE and were unleashed like a pack of blood-thirsty wolves.
The Running Game Continues to Pound Asses Into a Pulp Against all odds, this Dolphins running game continues to obliterate defenses week to week.
Miami's rushers managed to combine for 132 yards on Sunday, with Lamar Miller carrying the bulk with 49 yards (MILLER TIME!), Tannehill throwing in 48 yards of his own (VANILLA THUNDER!), Damien Williams rushing for 28 yards (D-WILL WRECKING-BALL!) and Daniel Thomas running for eight (fart noise).
Thanks to an overpowering offensive line and Tannehill's sudden impact as a quarterback not to be trifled with, the Dolphins' running attack is to be feared across all the land.
This One Was for Joe
We give Joe Philbin a lot of crap around these parts. He's an awkward doofus, he's a terrible speechmaker, and he looks like a Scooby Doo villain. But this week, Joe suffered an emotional personal loss after he father Paul passed away. Philbin had been missing from the Dolphins' practices throughout the week as he mourned with his family, but he made it a point to be there with his team at game time.
And then the Dolphins went out and won a thoroughly dominant game, handing Philbin his most impressive victory as a head coach and earning him an emotional speech from owner Stephen Ross as he gave Joe the game ball.
You can see the anguish in Joe's eyes as he addressed the team, and you can't but feel satisfaction for him as he was able to forget his loss for a while and get a satisfying emotional win from his team.
He also got a well-deserved Gatorade dump we're pretty sure killed a referee.
Enjoy VICTORY MONDAY, Dolphins fans!
It's the third one in a row!