Sports

Dan Marino Fixed Ryan Tannehill; Dolphins Destroy the Chargers

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The Rundown:

Dan Marino Brought the Thunder Out of the Vanilla When Dan Marino was hired to a "special adviser" to the Dolphins this year, no one was really sure what the hell that meant or what his job would be, specifically. Turns out, Marino was brought in to shove a lightning bolt from his god-like right arm straight up Ryan Tannehill's keister to knock some sense into the kid. And holy crap, it's working!

According to a report on the Dolphins' official website, Marino has taken it upon himself to tutor Tannehill in the ways of being awesome.

"Dan has been great," Tannehill told the media this week. "He's been around a lot as of recent. Watched tape with him. He's been in the QB room. He's a great resource to have around, just his knowledge of the game, obviously the success that he had during his career."

Added Tannehill: "He's always just pointing out little things on tape, whether it's a receiver's routes or something I'm doing. He's good at picking up little things and passing them along."

It's one thing to listen to a coach tell you how to read routes and how to look of safeties. It's quite another when the voice of a God speaks to you from the clouds and tells you what you're doing wrong and how to stop sucking. Basically, you listen. Just the way Moses did when the Burning Bush told him how to spot an oncoming safety blitz.

The results have been pretty amazing. Tannehill went from an indecisive, nervous, inaccurate wreck to one of the most dangerous quarterbacks in the league seemingly overnight. On Sunday he went 24-for-34 for 288 yards and two touchdowns. He also didn't throw an interception and finished the game with a career-high 94.5 passer rating.

Suddenly the Dolphins have a quarterback who can do damage. And while Tannehill remains a bland cat through and through, the fact that Marino's powers have somehow been handed over to him in small doses is very good news for the Dolphins.

Ryan Tannehill has gone from vanilla pants to VANILLA THUNDER!

The Defense Continues to Pound Offenses Into a Pulp As we've written before, this Dolphins defense is a buzz saw of kickassery in every aspect. Last week, Reshad Jones proclaimed that he's playing like the best safety in the NFL. And you know what? HE TOTALLY FUCKING IS.

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph