Dan Marino, Rick Scott, and Donald Trump Perform a Dramatic Reading of New Times' Biogensis Story | The Daily Pulp | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida

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Dan Marino, Rick Scott, and Donald Trump Perform a Dramatic Reading of New Times' Biogensis Story

The local personalities, egos, and public figures who swung through the news cycle this week, ranked by New Times' crack research department using a highly scientific algorithm (i.e., charting where all those 18 shell casings fell on Las Olas, then comparing with a map of the zodiac).

5. Rick Scott. This week, the governor papered the state with his latest education proposal, and it's a doozy -- some $74.2 billion set aside for Florida's teachers and students. Not only is the proposal the largest education budget in state history but it's also the largest piece of bullshit ever fronted by the Scott crew, an administration that's done more to slash public school resources than any other.

4. Dan Marino
This week, the NFL's greatest passer did us all a favor -- he took one of the last remaining sacrosanct public images in sports, walked it out to a lonely spot in the woods, and murdered it with his wang. Tough as the news was for fans that the beloved former Dolphin wasn't exactly the squeaky-clean family guy we all assumed, this was probably for the best. Another reminder that heroism in sports often stops at the stadium and that these guys are just like us -- morally shabby vessels just trying to get by. And laid.

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Kyle Swenson
Contact: Kyle Swenson

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