Humor

Daniel Ojst: Broward Substitute Teacher, Accused Sex Offender, AND Terrible Techno Beat Producer

Dear Reader,

We at the New Times rarely have essential life advice to depart, but this is one of those occasions. If there is ever a circumstance in which you're charged with some sort of salacious crime -- like, say, HAVING SEX WITH YOUR STUDENT -- please, for the love of God, take down your Facebook immediately.

Or else, what's about to happen to Daniel Ojst, will happen to you too.

The Broward County School District apparently hired Ojst in 2010 as a math teacher, but laid him off six months later, only to bring him back on as a substitute teacher last August.

This quasi-unemployment evidently freed up Ojst's schedule so he could pursue all sorts of fun things (outside of sexing his students). Like, making traumatically awful techno beats, according to his -- you guessed it! -- Facebook page. His techno logo is a tad abstract for our tastes, but we're pretty confident it closely mirrors the expression Ojst made last week on his way to jail.

At 3:30 a.m. on October 5, Ojst allegedly met a 17-year-old student, held sexual congress with her in his car, and then -- ever the gentlemen -- dropped her back off at her parents' house.

We can only imagine he rushed home afterward to drop some straight-up ILL beats, yo. Tracks like the like deeply revelatory and profound "Don't Forget To Be Hungry"? (We won't.)

Or who could look past the driving and haunting composition of "So This is What It's Like To Be Sour -- DEMO!"?

It seems a lot of people, actually. The most listens any of Ojst's totally sick beats have netted: 52.

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Terrence McCoy