De Groot Delves Into the "Shithouse" of South Florida's Political Discourse

Why do our politicians suck so bad?


John de Groot doesn't always try to answer that question, but he's usually digging up evidence to prove the premise. What follows is his take on the a recent political trip to Haiti by some of our fearless leaders. You know, I always thought Lincoln Diaz-Balart was just another vapid shithead who was bad for America. Who knew he was so funny?



Better Haiti Ate Cake

By John de Groot


Western history has long recognized a hallowed pantheon of world leaders able to inspire humanity with their words.


There was, for example, John F. Kennedy, who will long be loved and remembered by the German people when he proclaimed in the center of a divided Berlin:

"All free men, where ever they may live, are citizens of Berlin, and therefore, as a free man, I take pride in the words 'Ich bin ein Berliner.'"


And more recently, President Barack Obama reached out to the Muslim world in the spirit of peace and brotherhood during his historic speech in Egypt last month when he said:

"All of us share this world but for a brief moment in time. The question is whether we spend that time focused on what pushes us apart or whether we commit ourselves to an effort -- a sustained effort -- to find a common ground, to focus on the future we seek for our children, and to respect the dignity of all human beings."




Just as there is a pantheon of world leaders blessed with the grace and beauty of their words, there is also a shithouse for linguistically challenged politicians like Broward Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz.


After returning from a historic trip of several hours to impoverished Haiti, the congresswoman announced yesterday:

"If Haiti isn't able to get their political act together, then it's sort of gotta get out of its own way before others around the world will be able to help them."


The good news is that the Miami Herald buried the congresswoman's remarks deep in the bowels of its 4-A coverage of a surreal fact-finding mission to Haiti [by] five members of South Florida's congressional delegation.


Again, however...


Not to be outdone by the Broward congresswoman's gross abuse of the English language, Dade Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen proclaimed:

"There's a lot that we can do. There's a lot that we can do together. Haiti's problems must be paid attention to."

In fairness to their less-than-historic, one-day fact-finding mission to Haiti, the five members of the South Florida congressional delegation were unanimous in reporting the hurricane-ravaged people of Haiti were still barely surviving as hopeless citizens trapped in one of the most impoverished nations in the world.


Which is how and why Dade Congressman Lincoln Diaz-Balart was able to offer these ringing words of hope:


"One of the ways in which they [the people of Haiti] are going to lift themselves up from poverty is with tourism."


Naturally, as a potential mecca for global tourism, Haiti will face stiff competition from other countries like Zimbabwe and Somalia as bargain getaway spots to watch people starve.

KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Journalist Bob Norman has been raking the muck of South Florida for the past 25 years. His work has led to criminal cases against corrupt politicians, the ouster of bad judges from the bench, and has garnered dozens of state, regional, and national awards.
Contact: Bob Norman