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Dolphins Demolish Jets, Lose Tannehill to Injury

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- Jets fans complain about the lack of Tebow in their offense. Particularly when he's sent out to line up at QB for one play, before getting the hook after wasting a down with a predictable run up the middle for two yards. It ruins any semblance of rhythm the offense might've had and puts Mark Sanchez in an impossible situation. You can see it whenever Tebow gets called in, does his thing, gains no yards, screams out "LET'S GO!" and then Sanchez has that look on his face that says, "Fucking great. Jesus Boy just took a dump on our momentum, and now I'm going to get killed for it when we fail to convert a first down."

Dolphins fans saw this shit play out many a time when Sparano had Chad Henne and Pat White at his disposal. Henne, like Sanchez, is a rhythm QB. He's feast or famine. But when he's hitting receivers in stride and moving the offense, it's best to leave him be. But, nope. Sparano fucking loves to fool everyone by bringing in his Wild Cat guy and then have him run the most predictable play imaginable (a run up the gut! INGENIOUS!), ruining whatever good he might have gotten from his mediocre starting quarterback. Pat White fucked many a Dolphins drive in the ear by stopping Chad Henne's momentum, running a play where he takes two steps forward before getting tackled for a loss, and then handing the ball right back to Henne, who would then either throw an interception or throw the football 30 feet over the receiver's head on third down.

Nice to see the Sparano fucktardery ruining our rivals for a change.

- Tim Tebow fucked his assignment during that blocked punt, which is fucking glorious. BUT HE'S A FOOTBALL PLAYER, the Tebowtards love to say. He certainly is. And then he went and blocked the wrong dude and his punter got mauled by Olivier Vernon and Jimmy Wilson. Merp.

- Ryan Tannehill left the game in the first quarter with a left quad and knee injury after being sacked by Jets LB Calvin Pace. Tannehill told the media that he hyperextended the knee and has a deep bruise of the quad. Luckily, the Dolphins were able to bust out the Puppet from his box, and he came in and had a solid game, throwing for 131 yards and a touchdown.

Even with all the trash-talking, promising to knock players out and pissing on the Dolphins' ashes, the Jets still got obliterated by Miami's backup quarterback. AND HE'S NOT EVEN A REAL LIVE HUMAN!

Tannehill says he should be fine for next week's game.

- Rex Ryan after the game: "To say I never saw this coming is an understatement," the coach said. "We had a great week of preparation and practice, but you have to execute. Clearly, Miami out-executed us." HA! HA!

- The Dolphins shut out the Jets in the first half. Recovering their own onside kick in the first quarter was just the beginning of the ass reaming the Fins would be doling out all afternoon to the New York Shitsacks.

After that, it was a cock slap in all three phases of the game. The offense was efficient, the special teams was dirty and the defense was stellar.

The Dolphins are now 4-3 (holy shit! .500!) and are a considered one of the more dangerous teams in the league. Sure, they have their problems and short comings here and there, but they seem to be a team on the rise. Meanwhile, the Jets are a flaming bag of shit with injuries, terrible coaching, awful quarterbacks, and no hope for the immediate future. All is right with the Universe.


Miami visits the Indianapolis Colts next week.

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph

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