| Sports |

Dolphins Lose to Bills; All Hope Is Lost

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of South Florida and help keep the future of New Times free.

Well, the good news is: You're used to this at this point. 

Fifty percent of the NFL season is left, and the only thing Dolphins fans have to look forward to on Sunday is waiting to see when Ndamukong Suh finally loses his mind and chases the quarterback with a bench.

For all intents and purposes, the Dolphins season died a derpy-derp death Sunday. The 33-17 loss to the Buffalo Bills dropped the Fins to 3-5 overall and 0-4 in the AFC East. Dolphins fans now just wait for mock drafts and A Christmas Story marathons. 

If you missed the game and are wondering just how the Dolphins got their asses handed to them again by a totally mediocre Buffalo Bills team, the answer is that their defense is a bucket of pig guts. People across the world find uses for nearly every piece of a pig, but there are just some parts that nobody will eat — that's the Miami Dolphins defense. They are a bucket of bile ducts and toenails. If the Dolphins could have somehow pulled out the win Sunday, they would have found themselves an even 4-4 on the season and firmly in the wild-card playoff-run conversation — but they didn't. They didn't do that thing at all. 

The Dolphins — for the second time this season — made Buffalo QB Tyrod Taylor look like Steve Young. Taylor threw just one incomplete pass all today (11-12, 181 yards) and consistently ran circles around Dolphins defensive linemen on his way to back-breaking first-down scrambles. Sammy Watkins had a career-best 168 yards receiving and a touchdown against Brent Grimes. If someone from the future could have just read this sentence to us all before the game, they could have saved us all a lot of pain and suffering. Buffalo had not one but two hundred-yard rushers (McCoy, 112 yards; Williams, 110 yards).

Everything worked for Buffalo. The Dolphins stopped nothing, and now their season is most definitely over. No logical Dolphins fan can possibly believe the team can win seven of their last eight games — which is what it would take to get to 10-6, the realistic playoff tipping point in the AFC. 

The Dolphins find themselves entering the part of their schedule that everyone prior to the season said would be the death of them. Left on the schedule for the Fins are games against the Eagles, Cowboys, Jets, Ravens, Chargers, Colts, and Patriots — not exactly a stretch of games that screams "We aren't out of this thing!" Another Miami Dolphins season lost far too soon... it's a sad tradition at this point. 

If you're wondering how long you will have to wait before the Dolphins make the playoffs again, I'm sorry to inform you, but the answer is clear:

Keep New Times Broward-Palm Beach Free... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering South Florida with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.